Personality and Behavior (was RE: [Northkeep] Sir Balvins Defence)

Dennis England sirbalvin at
Tue May 28 11:23:58 PDT 2002

There is a lot of choices between being an asshole and enabling or being
co-dependent.  Typically people seeking someone to be co-dependent with call
those who refuse to get hooked assholes.  I just want people to take
responsibility for themselves and JP I think you said it well.  I do not
consider myself an asshole despite what some may think as result of this
over long discussion.  But I do avoid co-dependence.  And I certainly
believe I treat others with the same courtesy and respect I expect.  I work
to encourage others to achieve their highest good and seek that in myself,
sometimes that means saying things they may not want to hear and avoiding
those who appear to be stuck or refusing to grow.  My 2 cents.  I'm glad to
see people discussing these issues.

----- Original Message -----
From: "Marc Carlson" <marccarlson20 at>
To: <northkeep at>
Sent: Monday, May 27, 2002 6:01 PM
Subject: Re: Personality and Behavior (was RE: [Northkeep] Sir Balvins

> >From: cchipman at (Carl Chipman)
> >Diarmaid, I know you're just being sarcastic, but there is a vein of
> >truth to your tongue-in-cheek statement.
> Oh, don't get me wrong - my message was thoroughly serious.  I had been
> previously confused by people talking about "chivalry" and "The Dream" and
> crap like that.  Obviously it's not something people feel willing to try
> -actually- make an effort at.
> That's fine with me - I'm all up for being an asshole.  In fact, it takes
> lot of work for me NOT to be one most of the time.  If you don't like
that -
> suck it up and get over it.  But don't delude yourself that I'm acting or
> pretending.
> No one ever suggested 'aiding and abetting self destructive behavior'.
> What was suggest was recognizing that a lot of people may have trouble
> fitting in with groups, thinking about how you come across, and making an
> attempt to help those feel welcome might be a good idea.  The response has
> pretty much been "to hell with those whiners".  That's your choice.  It
> certainly keep down on the populace numbers.
> Personally, I have found that simply trying to work with people was good
> enough, but clearly that's not what want to hear -- they want to hear that
> they are in the right for selfishly ignoring others.  My problems with
> Group" have traditionally not had anything to do with not feeling like I
> in.  My personal problems have tended to be based on hypocrisy and people
> claiming one thing and doing another.
> That's obviously the problem here, as well.  That's my mistake, and MY
> for having even minimal expectations of other people.
> BTW, I didn't forward the original message.  Ainar did.
> Marc/Diarmaid
> "Suck it up and get over it" -- Matthew 5-7 (NKV)
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