[Northkeep] [Fwd: FW: Puns for the Educated...]

[Hugh & Belinda Niewoehner]

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    Subject: Puns for the Educated...

        1.  King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after
        years of war with the Hittites.  His last great possession was
        the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the
        ancient world.  Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker,
        to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars
        for it." "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King
        protested. "Don't you know who I am?  I am the king!" Croesus
        replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who
        you are."

         

        2.  Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family
        were avid bowlers.  Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records
        were destroyed in a fire, ...and so we'll never know for whom
        the Tells bowled.

         

        3.  A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted,
        "Doctor!  I think I'm shrinking!"  The doctor calmly responded,
        "Now, settle down.  You'll just have to be a little patient."

         

        4.  A marine biologist developed a race of genetically
        engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a
        steady diet of seagulls.  One day, his supply of the birds ran
        out so he had to go out and trap some more.  On the way back, he
        spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he
        gingerly stepped over them.  Immediately, he was arrested and
        charged with...transporting gulls across sedate lions for
        immortal porpoises.

         

        5.  Back in the 1800's the Tate's Watch Company of Massachusetts
        wanted to produce other products, and since they already made
        the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses.  The
        new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada
        or Mexico rather than California . This, of course, is the
        origin of the expression,..."He who has a Tate's is lost!"

         

        6.  An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the
        medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took
        out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief,
        telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the
        leather every day.  After a month, the medicine man returned to
        see how the chief was feeling.  The chief shrugged and said,
        "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

         

        7.  A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and
        found his name missing from the town register.  His wife
        insisted on complaining to the local civic official who
        apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my
        census."

         

        8.  There were three Indian squaws.  One slept on a deer skin,
        one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus
        skin.  All three became pregnant.  The first two each had a baby
        boy.  The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. 
        This just goes to prove that...the squaw of the hippopotamus is
        equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.  (Some
        of you may need help with this one).


        9.  A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American
        folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal shaman who
        indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure
        for any case of constipation.  When the anthropologist expressed
        his doubts, the shaman looked him in the eye and said, "Let me
        tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."

         

         

         

 

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