[Northkeep] [Fwd: FW: Puns for the Educated...]

Tamara Britton zeurburt2003 at yahoo.com
Mon Apr 19 14:28:32 PDT 2010

Tis not nice to make someone snort at work :)

May you work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one is watching. 
~An Irish Proverb

--- On Mon, 4/19/10, Hugh & Belinda Niewoehner <burgborrendohl at valornet.com> wrote:

From: Hugh & Belinda Niewoehner <burgborrendohl at valornet.com>
Subject: [Northkeep] [Fwd: FW: Puns for the Educated...]
To: "The Barony of Northkeep" <northkeep at lists.ansteorra.org>
Date: Monday, April 19, 2010, 4:15 PM


   Subject: Puns for the Educated...

       1.  King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after
       years of war with the Hittites.  His last great possession was
       the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the
       ancient world.  Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker,
       to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars
       for it." "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King
       protested. "Don't you know who I am?  I am the king!" Croesus
       replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who
       you are."

       2.  Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family
       were avid bowlers.  Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records
       were destroyed in a fire, ...and so we'll never know for whom
       the Tells bowled.

       3.  A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted,
       "Doctor!  I think I'm shrinking!"  The doctor calmly responded,
       "Now, settle down.  You'll just have to be a little patient."

       4.  A marine biologist developed a race of genetically
       engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a
       steady diet of seagulls.  One day, his supply of the birds ran
       out so he had to go out and trap some more.  On the way back, he
       spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he
       gingerly stepped over them.  Immediately, he was arrested and
       charged with...transporting gulls across sedate lions for
       immortal porpoises.

       5.  Back in the 1800's the Tate's Watch Company of Massachusetts
       wanted to produce other products, and since they already made
       the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses.  The
       new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada
       or Mexico rather than California . This, of course, is the
       origin of the expression,..."He who has a Tate's is lost!"

       6.  An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the
       medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took
       out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief,
       telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the
       leather every day.  After a month, the medicine man returned to
       see how the chief was feeling.  The chief shrugged and said,
       "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

       7.  A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and
       found his name missing from the town register.  His wife
       insisted on complaining to the local civic official who
       apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my

       8.  There were three Indian squaws.  One slept on a deer skin,
       one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus
       skin.  All three became pregnant.  The first two each had a baby
       boy.  The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys.        This just goes to prove that...the squaw of the hippopotamus is
       equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.  (Some
       of you may need help with this one).

       9.  A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American
       folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal shaman who
       indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure
       for any case of constipation.  When the anthropologist expressed
       his doubts, the shaman looked him in the eye and said, "Let me
       tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."


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