[Northkeep] [Fwd: FW: Puns for the Educated...]

M Hopfer myth_archangel at hotmail.com
Mon Apr 19 21:43:36 PDT 2010


This is...terrible. Just terrible. These are the kinds of jokes MY family would tell...that's how you KNOW it's bad.

~Mike

 




> Date: Mon, 19 Apr 2010 16:15:36 -0500
> From: burgborrendohl at valornet.com
> To: northkeep at lists.ansteorra.org
> Subject: [Northkeep] [Fwd: FW: Puns for the Educated...]
> 
> 
> 
> ---
> 
>     Subject: Puns for the Educated...
> 
>         1.  King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after
>         years of war with the Hittites.  His last great possession was
>         the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the
>         ancient world.  Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker,
>         to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars
>         for it." "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King
>         protested. "Don't you know who I am?  I am the king!" Croesus
>         replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who
>         you are."
> 
>          
> 
>         2.  Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family
>         were avid bowlers.  Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records
>         were destroyed in a fire, ...and so we'll never know for whom
>         the Tells bowled.
> 
>          
> 
>         3.  A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted,
>         "Doctor!  I think I'm shrinking!"  The doctor calmly responded,
>         "Now, settle down.  You'll just have to be a little patient."
> 
>          
> 
>         4.  A marine biologist developed a race of genetically
>         engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a
>         steady diet of seagulls.  One day, his supply of the birds ran
>         out so he had to go out and trap some more.  On the way back, he
>         spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he
>         gingerly stepped over them.  Immediately, he was arrested and
>         charged with...transporting gulls across sedate lions for
>         immortal porpoises.
> 
>          
> 
>         5.  Back in the 1800's the Tate's Watch Company of Massachusetts
>         wanted to produce other products, and since they already made
>         the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses.  The
>         new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada
>         or Mexico rather than California . This, of course, is the
>         origin of the expression,..."He who has a Tate's is lost!"
> 
>          
> 
>         6.  An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the
>         medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took
>         out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief,
>         telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the
>         leather every day.  After a month, the medicine man returned to
>         see how the chief was feeling.  The chief shrugged and said,
>         "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
> 
>          
> 
>         7.  A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and
>         found his name missing from the town register.  His wife
>         insisted on complaining to the local civic official who
>         apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my
>         census."
> 
>          
> 
>         8.  There were three Indian squaws.  One slept on a deer skin,
>         one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus
>         skin.  All three became pregnant.  The first two each had a baby
>         boy.  The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. 
>         This just goes to prove that...the squaw of the hippopotamus is
>         equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.  (Some
>         of you may need help with this one).
> 
> 
>         9.  A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American
>         folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal shaman who
>         indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure
>         for any case of constipation.  When the anthropologist expressed
>         his doubts, the shaman looked him in the eye and said, "Let me
>         tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."
> 
>          
> 
>          
> 
>          
> 
>  
> 
 		 	   		  
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