[Northkeep] [Fwd: FW: Puns for the Educated...

[kevinkeary at aol.com]

Once thought of, they accumulate and never die and get passed around.



For example:

Prince Charming, having exhausted himself in the unsuccessful attempt to locate the ravishing creature with the dainty feet that left the tiny glass slipper behind after his ball, in desperation decided to consult the world's greatest detective.

Sherlock Holmes listened attentively to the tale and promised to do what he could to find the missing girl. He accepted the test and evidence, the slipper, from the prince and saw him out. He turned and quickly donned his duster as Doctor Watson emerged from a back room.

"Where are you off to, Holmes?" asked Watson hopefully.

"Hunting" said Holmes cryptically.

"Hunting?" asked Watson, as he hurriedly grabbed his coat and hat. "What are we hunting for? Big game?"

"The biggest," he smiled, displaying the slipper, "and the game, dear Watson, is a foot."


-----Original Message-----
From: Jerry Herring <j.t.herring at sbcglobal.net>
To: The Barony of Northkeep <northkeep at lists.ansteorra.org>
Sent: Mon, Apr 19, 2010 7:37 pm
Subject: Re: [Northkeep] [Fwd: FW: Puns for the Educated...]


Sigh-- who has time to think of these :P  
Funny-- :)
Kelandra


_______________________________
rom: Hugh & Belinda Niewoehner <burgborrendohl at valornet.com>
o: The Barony of Northkeep <northkeep at lists.ansteorra.org>
ent: Mon, April 19, 2010 4:15:36 PM
ubject: [Northkeep] [Fwd: FW: Puns for the Educated...]

---
  Subject: Puns for the Educated...
      1.  King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after
     years of war with the Hittites.  His last great possession was
     the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the
     ancient world.  Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker,
     to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars
     for it." "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King
     protested. "Don't you know who I am?  I am the king!" Croesus
     replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who
     you are."
        
     2.  Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family
     were avid bowlers.  Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records
     were destroyed in a fire, ...and so we'll never know for whom
     the Tells bowled.
        
     3.  A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted,
     "Doctor!  I think I'm shrinking!"  The doctor calmly responded,
     "Now, settle down.  You'll just have to be a little patient."
        
     4.  A marine biologist developed a race of genetically
     engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a
     steady diet of seagulls.  One day, his supply of the birds ran
     out so he had to go out and trap some more.  On the way back, he
     spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he
     gingerly stepped over them.  Immediately, he was arrested and
     charged with...transporting gulls across sedate lions for
     immortal porpoises.
        
     5.  Back in the 1800's the Tate's Watch Company of Massachusetts
     wanted to produce other products, and since they already made
     the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses.  The
     new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada
     or Mexico rather than California . This, of course, is the
     origin of the expression,..."He who has a Tate's is lost!"
        
     6.  An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the
     medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took
     out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief,
     telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the
     leather every day.  After a month, the medicine man returned to
     see how the chief was feeling.  The chief shrugged and said,
     "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
        
     7.  A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and
     found his name missing from the town register.  His wife
     insisted on complaining to the local civic official who
     apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my
     census."
        
     8.  There were three Indian squaws.  One slept on a deer skin,
     one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus
     skin.  All three became pregnant.  The first two each had a baby
     boy.  The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys.        
his just goes to prove that...the squaw of the hippopotamus is
     equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.  (Some
     of you may need help with this one).

     9.  A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American
     folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal shaman who
     indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure
     for any case of constipation.  When the anthropologist expressed
     his doubts, the shaman looked him in the eye and said, "Let me
     tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."
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