SC - Really OT-psychotic kitties
D. Clay-Disparti
Clay at talstar.com
Wed Feb 10 06:17:59 PST 1999
LOL, read the same story about 35-40 years ago in the Dallas Morning News.
And, yes, according to the humorist, it really did happen. If it's a great
story, it bears repeating.
Isabella
Brenna wrote:
> I just got this, and in light of recent exchanges on here, I thought you
> might find it amusing as well.
>
> Brenna
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Subject: [MilitaryMommies] too funny!
> Date: Tue, 09 Feb 1999 20:52:19 -0500
> From: Katherine Tyler <krtyler at gisco.net>
> Reply-To: MilitaryMommies at onelist.com
> To: Anne & Mike Fahey <faheyam at aol.com>,
> Christy & Chris Albritton <christya at bayou.com>,
> Janet & Jonathan Nabinger <NABINGER at wans.net>,
> Kristine & Lee MacGregor <maccanam at gisco.net>,
> "kwc at onelist.com" <kwc at onelist.com>,
> militarymommies <MilitaryMommies at onelist.com>,
> parenting 3-4 list <AMOMOF3-4YROLD at onelist.com>,
> Rob Tyler <tylerok at hotmail.com>, Sue Mackey <marthena at webtv.net>
>
> From: Katherine Tyler <krtyler at gisco.net>
>
> I thought this was really funny!!!
>
> Kathy
>
> < Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable because no matter how
> >legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On
> >one occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway because the truth
> >was too humiliating to reveal. I simply mentioned that I had
> >sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the
> >next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on
>
> >my crown.
> >
> >In this case, the truth hurt. I mean it really hurt in the place men
>
> >feel the most pain. The accident occurred mainly because I conceded
> >to my wife's wishes
> >to adopt a cute little kitty.
> >
> >As the daily routine prescribes, I was taking my shower after
> >breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
>
> >"Ed!" she hearkened. "The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it."
>
> >
> >"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
> >(pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!"
> >
> >"I am scared!" she pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me
> >in?" Pause. "C'mon, it'll only take a second."
> >
> >No logical assurance about how a disposal can't start itself will
> calm
> >the fears of a person who suffers from "Big-ol-scary-machinephobia,"
> a
> >condition brought on by watching too many Stephen King movies.
> >
> >It is futile to argue or explain, kind of like Lloyd Bentsen telling
> >Americans they are over-taxed. And if a poltergeist did, in fact,
> >possess the disposal, and she was ground into round, I'd have to live
>
> >with that the rest of my life.
> >
> >So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a
> statement
> >about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence but it
> was
> >I who would suffer.
> >
> >I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button.
> >It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without
> >warning, without respect
> >to my circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal, drawing me
> into
> >its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at
>
> >the dangling objects she spied between my legs.
> >
> >She ("Buttons" aka "the Grater") had been poised around the corner
> and
> >stalked me as I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the
> second
> >I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered
> and
> >snagged them with her needle-like claws.
> >
> >Now when men feel pain or even sense danger anywhere close to their
> >masculine region, they lose all rational thought to control orderly
> >bodily movements. Instinctively, their nerves compel the body to
> >contort inwardly, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed.
> >Not even a well trained monk could calmly stand with his groin
> >supporting the full weight of a kitten and rectify the situation in a
>
> >step-by-step procedure. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a
> >"fight or flight" syndrome; men, in this predicament, choose only the
>
> >"flight" option.
> >
> >Fleeing straight up, I knew at that moment how a cat feels when it is
>
> >alarmed. It was a dismal irony. But, whereas cats seek great
> heights
> >to escape, I never made it that far. The sink and cabinet bluntly
> >impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold.
> >
> >When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been
> >fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to
> >conduct their work while suppressing their hysterical laughter. My
> >wife told me I should be flattered.
> >
> >At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I
> >kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk. "What's the
> matter,
> >cat got your tongue?"
> >
> >If they had only known. >>
> >>
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
> To unsubscribe from this mailing list, or to change your subscription
> to digest, go to the ONElist web site, at http://www.onelist.com and
> select the User Center link from the menu bar on the left.
============================================================================
To be removed from the SCA-Cooks mailing list, please send a message to
Majordomo at Ansteorra.ORG with the message body of "unsubscribe SCA-Cooks".
============================================================================
More information about the Sca-cooks
mailing list