SC - Really OT-psychotic kitties

[D. Clay-Disparti]

LOL, read the same story about 35-40 years ago in the Dallas Morning News.
And, yes, according to the humorist, it really did happen.  If it's a great
story, it bears repeating.

Isabella

Brenna wrote:

> I just got this, and in light of recent exchanges on here, I thought you
> might find it amusing as well.
>
> Brenna
>
>   ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Subject: [MilitaryMommies] too funny!
> Date: Tue, 09 Feb 1999 20:52:19 -0500
> From: Katherine Tyler <krtyler at gisco.net>
> Reply-To: MilitaryMommies at onelist.com
> To: Anne & Mike Fahey <faheyam at aol.com>,
>      Christy & Chris Albritton <christya at bayou.com>,
>      Janet & Jonathan Nabinger <NABINGER at wans.net>,
>      Kristine & Lee MacGregor <maccanam at gisco.net>,
>      "kwc at onelist.com" <kwc at onelist.com>,
>      militarymommies <MilitaryMommies at onelist.com>,
>      parenting 3-4 list <AMOMOF3-4YROLD at onelist.com>,
>      Rob Tyler <tylerok at hotmail.com>, Sue Mackey <marthena at webtv.net>
>
> From: Katherine Tyler <krtyler at gisco.net>
>
> I thought this was really funny!!!
>
> Kathy
>
> < Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable because no matter how
>   >legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying.  On
>   >one occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway because the truth
>   >was too humiliating to reveal.  I simply mentioned that I had
>   >sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the
>   >next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on
>
>   >my crown.
>   >
>   >In this case, the truth hurt.  I mean it really hurt in the place men
>
>   >feel the most pain.  The accident occurred mainly because I conceded
>   >to my wife's wishes
>   >to adopt a cute little kitty.
>   >
>   >As the daily routine prescribes, I was taking my shower after
>   >breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
>
>   >"Ed!" she hearkened.  "The garbage disposal is dead.  Come reset it."
>
>   >
>   >"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
>   >(pitter-patter).  "Reset it yourself!"
>   >
>   >"I am scared!" she pleaded.  "What if it starts going and sucks me
>   >in?"  Pause. "C'mon, it'll only take a second."
>   >
>   >No logical assurance about how a disposal can't start itself will
> calm
>   >the fears of a person who suffers from "Big-ol-scary-machinephobia,"
> a
>   >condition brought on by watching too many Stephen King movies.
>   >
>   >It is futile to argue or explain, kind of like Lloyd Bentsen telling
>   >Americans they are over-taxed. And if a poltergeist did, in fact,
>   >possess the disposal, and she was ground into round, I'd have to live
>
>   >with that the rest of my life.
>   >
>   >So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a
> statement
>   >about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence but it
> was
>   >I who would suffer.
>   >
>   >I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button.
>   >It is the last action I remember performing.  It struck without
>   >warning, without respect
>   >to my circumstances.  Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal, drawing me
> into
>   >its gnashing metal teeth.  It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at
>
>   >the dangling objects she spied between my legs.
>   >
>   >She ("Buttons" aka "the Grater") had been poised around the corner
> and
>   >stalked me as I took the bait under the sink.  At precisely the
> second
>   >I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered
> and
>   >snagged them with her needle-like claws.
>   >
>   >Now when men feel pain or even sense danger anywhere close to their
>   >masculine region, they lose all rational thought to control orderly
>   >bodily movements. Instinctively, their nerves compel the body to
>   >contort inwardly, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed.
>   >Not even a well trained monk could calmly stand with his groin
>   >supporting the full weight of a kitten and rectify the situation in a
>
>   >step-by-step procedure.  Wild animals are sometimes faced with a
>   >"fight or flight" syndrome; men, in this predicament, choose only the
>
>   >"flight" option.
>   >
>   >Fleeing straight up, I knew at that moment how a cat feels when it is
>
>   >alarmed.  It was a dismal irony.  But, whereas cats seek great
> heights
>   >to escape, I never made it that far.  The sink and cabinet bluntly
>   >impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold.
>   >
>   >When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been
>   >fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to
>   >conduct their work while suppressing their hysterical laughter.  My
>   >wife told me I should be flattered.
>   >
>   >At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me.  I
>   >kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk.  "What's the
> matter,
>   >cat got your tongue?"
>   >
>   >If they had only known. >>
>   >>
>
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