[Sca-cooks] Upshot of my last couple of weeks...

[Laura C. Minnick]

Dear Friends:

I hope you will forgive my cross-posting- I'm weary and just need to get
some things done... (and please be courteous- don't reply to the whole
Recipient list!)

James' dad passed away Tuesday the 19th of pancreatic cancer. He was 72.
He'd been diagnosed last November, and at that point it was inoperable
and already terminal. They gave him an initial run of chemo but he chose
not to follow up with radiation and more chemo, feeling that it would
only delay the inevitable and he didn't want to put up with any more
than he had to. It was his choice and we supported him in it. He had
been doing ok sort of until about the first of the month, and then took
an abrupt turn- quit eating, wouldn't get out of bed, had lost so much
weight he didn't look like himself. On the 15th he checked into a
hospice- the doctor thought he had about two weeks, and James and I
could not take care of him at home anymore. The estimate was optimistic
as it turned out. He was still semi-lucid on Saturday, but by Sunday was
unresponsive. We spent as much time at the hospice as we could, talking
to him, holding his hand, rubbing his feet, etc.- when we weren't at the
house, trying to shovel out literally years'-worth of stuff (Dad didn't
do housework _at all_ and Mom died ten years ago) and we had to find
various important papers, etc. The will was not done. The power of
attorney didn't get done. We did find lots of family pictures (really
cyoot ones of James as a little boy) and such...

I spent Monday night sleeping (dozing, really) in a chair next to Dad's
bed- he'd reached the stage where he'd take a few noisy breaths- stop-
looong pause, and then heave another. I kept waking up. In the morning I
washed his face, combed his hair, trimmed and filed his nails- talking
to him the whole time about the wonderful family he'd raised, how proud
we were of him, etc. (the staff at the hospice said the hearing is the
last to go- they can hear you even when they can't respond anymore). I
stepped out of the room to get something to eat in the early afternoon,
and when I came back he was gone. It was sad but also such a relief my
knees nearly went out from under me.

I helped the funeral home staff get Dad ready to go, as a last gift to
him and to the family. I just it was the right thing to do. A novel
experience for me, and likely not the last time.

I am still exhausted beyond words, and there is more left to do- family
is flying in tomorrow to sort through and figure out what to do now.
Dad's lawyer called Thursday to tell us the draft of the will was done,
but he was already gone. We do know what he wanted though, so that is a
start.

The moral of the story? Take care of yourself. Tell your family and
friends how much you love and appreciate them. Get a will done- even if
you think you have time. You can always change it if you want- but get
one done! (I'm preaching to myself- I have a four-year-old draft that I
never finished). Collect your important papers in a safe place- not
scattered all over. Always wear clean underwear (I had to say that- I'm
a mom!).

I am going to go have another cup of tea now, and try to sort out what I
have to get done today. Life, after all, goes on...

love,
Laura/'Lainie