[Sca-cooks] Re: a little diversion

[Vincent Cuenca]

> > > 1-5 points.  You can barely cook, and probably don't care too much.
>You
> > > probably live on restaurant food and Cheerios.
>
>Well, I only scored a "5" on this test. I don't think I like the
>characterizations.  I can cook. I don't live on resturant food and I
>don't like Cheerios. Grape nuts and Captain Crunch are much better!
>--
>THLord  Stefan li Rous    Barony of Bryn Gwlad    Kingdom of Ansteorra
>Mark S. Harris             Austin, Texas         stefan at texas.net
>**** See Stefan's Florilegium files at:  http://www.florilegium.org ****
Sorry if I offended, Stefan. I was trying for that snide tone you see in a
lot of these online test thingies, and not once was it intended to insult.

I guess it's only fair that I post my own results:

1. Lectured complete strangers on the uses of unfamiliar foodstuffs?
Yes, many times.  Even lectured a stand-holder at the local farmer's market
about quinces.

2. Know what "rocket" is?

Oh yeah. (Slurp!)

3. Sneered at the lazy yuppie scum who buy premade polenta at the
supermarket?

Yes.  (Why bother?  It only takes 20 min.!)

4. Grown your own herbs?

Yes, as soon as that garden patch is ready.

5. Grown your own vegetables?

See above.

6. Grown your own wheat?

Where?  My yard is the size of an airmail stamp.

7. Foregone buying ice cream because the soup bones have taken over your
freezer?

That's why we have a chest freezer.

8. Made your own demi-glace?

Yummers!  Even gave a quart of lamb demi-glace to my Laurel as a thank-you
gift.

9. Own five mortars and pestles, but can't find your pepper mill?

Well, two, and my pepper mill doesn't work anyway.

10. Consider your mother a heretic for buying premade pie crusts?

Well, she does have the excuse of having very warm hands, but yes.

11. Subscribe to seven cooking magazines but mooch newspapers from your
coworkers?
If it doesn't have anything to do with food, why spend good money on it?

12. Stayed up late reading Escoffier, Brillat-Savarin, or Julia Child?

Yup.

13. Say to yourself, "I can cook better than this" at a trendy restaurant?

All too many times.
14. Know the difference between a china cap and a chinoise?

Yep.  Got one, wish I had the other for those crystal clear consommes.

15. Fantasize about meeting Charles Ranhofer, James Beard, or Martino da
Como?
Where's that time machine?

16. Brag about your 10-inch Dick?
Actually, it was part of my wife's dowry, along with a boning knife and a
paring knife, but yes.

17. Know what the last question was about, you vulgar little creature, you?
Of course I do!  I wrote it, didn't I?

18. Have a special carrying case for your knives, sharpening steel,
whetstone, and knife oil?
See question 16.

19. Spend hours in the "Used Equipment" section of the restaurant supply
store?
Yes.  I have to be forcibly removed from the backroom of Peerless Restaurant
Supply, and the downstairs portion of Lee Kum Kee Market in Manhattan's
Chinatown is a little piece of heaven to me.  As for the big stores on the
Bowery, do not let me near them under any circumstances.

20. Kept a sourdough starter alive for more than two months?

Ask my college roommates about the Sourdough That Ate Bronxville sometime.
____________________________________________________________
It's great to be known, but it's even better to be known as strange.
-Takeshi Kaga






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