[Sca-cooks] A little diversion

[Huette von Ahrens]

--- Vincent Cuenca <bootkiller at hotmail.com> wrote:

> Are you a food geek?
>
> Take the following test and determine your personal
> level of culinary
> geekdom.
>
> Do you, or Have you ever:
>
> 1. Lectured complete strangers on the uses of
> unfamiliar foodstuffs?

Yes.  And also familiar foods too.
>
> 2. Know what "rocket" is?

Yes.
>
> 3. Sneered at the lazy yuppie scum who buy premade
> polenta at the
> supermarket?
>
No.  I sneer at people who eat polenta.  Yech!  Well,
not really, but I don't like polenta.

> 4. Grown your own herbs?

A few.
>
> 5. Grown your own vegetables?
>
No.  But I grow my own fruits.  Does that count?

> 6. Grown your own wheat?
>
No.

> 7. Foregone buying ice cream because the soup bones
> have taken over your
> freezer?
>
No.  I never forego buying ice cream.  My soup bones
get made into stock immediately.  However, if you came
to my house and wanted an ice cube, forget it.  I have
given up my ice cubes for frozen stock.

> 8. Made your own demi-glace?

Yes.
>
> 9. Own five mortars and pestles, but can't find your
> pepper mill?
>
No.  I only own one m&p and one pepper mill and I know
where they both are.

> 10. Consider your mother a heretic for buying
> premade pie crusts?

No.  When my mother was younger, she made great pie
crusts.  But now she is 85 and arthritic, the
Pillsbury
premade pie crusts are a blessing and fairly decent.
I never could pick up the knack of good rolled out pie
crust because my hands are too hot.  I do make a great
nut crust and a wonderful short bread crust for cheese
cakes though.
>
> 11. Subscribe to seven cooking magazines but mooch
> newspapers from your
> coworkers?

No.  I subscribe to one newspaper and two cooking
magazines.

>
> 12. Stayed up late reading Escoffier,
> Brillat-Savarin, or Julia Child?
>
No.

> 13. Say to yourself, "I can cook better than this"
> at a trendy restaurant?
>
Frequently.

> 14. Know the difference between a china cap and a
> chinoise?
>
No.  What is the difference?

> 15. Fantasize about meeting Charles Ranhofer, James
> Beard, or Martino da
> Como?
>
No. Just Adamantius and Vatel.

> 16. Brag about your 10-inch Dick?

No.  I know dick about knives.  I own a few decent
knives, but no Dicks and I don't brag about what I
have or don't have.
>
> 17. Know what the last question was about, you
> vulgar little creature, you?
>
Yes.

> 18. Have a special carrying case for your knives,
> sharpening steel,
> whetstone, and knife oil?
>
No. I take my knives to a professional to be
sharpened.
I'd rather it be done correctly.

> 19. Spend hours in the "Used Equipment" section of
> the restaurant supply
> store?

No.  I have never seen a "used equipment section".  I
have lusted after new equipment however.
>
> 20. Kept a sourdough starter alive for more than two
> months?
>
No.  I make my starter fresh with each batch.  I am
too forgetful to try to keep starter going beyond the
current project.

> Give yourself a point for every positive answer.
>
> Scores:
>
> 1-5 points.  You can barely cook, and probably don't
> care too much.  You
> probably live on restaurant food and Cheerios.
>
> 6-10 points.  You can cook, and have some clue about
> technique.  Of course,
> you also have a social life.
>
> 11-15 points.  You can definitely cook, and are
> quite knowledgeable about
> technique and history.  Your friends vie for dinner
> invitations.
>
> 16-20 points.  You are utterly lost.  Hie thee hence
> to the Culinary
> Institute of America before your head explodes.
>
> Personally, I score about a 19.  Mind you, this test
> is geared towards
> amateurs, though the professionals among us will
> probably come up with other
> questions.
>
> Just a bit of silliness...
>
> Enjoy!
>
> Vicente

So I score a 6, but usually the reaction to my cooking
is in the next 11-15 range.  I doubt that few
professional chefs grow their own herbs, vegetables or
wheat.  But Martha Stewart does, so what does that say
about your questions?  :-)

Huette

=====
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they
shall never cease to be amused.

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