[Sca-cooks] Regrettable foods . . .

[Ruth Frey]

	The only thing I've personally served that
was a real "clunker" (literally!) was my first-try
gyngerbrede.  I was following a recipe that weighed out
the honey and bread crumbs, and I got everything set
and cooking . . . and about halfway through, it became
glaringly obvious that that many ounces of bread were
*not* going to fit into that many ounces of honey.  I
decided later that the author of the redaction I was using
must have been going with only-slightly-stale crumbs,
while I was going with rock-hard, ground-up "croutons."
I shaped the gyngerbrede into little balls before it had
completely set up, but by the next day, they were little
cannonballs.  Still, that's what I had for my Arts entry,
so I entered them in anyway, making full use of the "lesson
learned" aspect in my presentation.  Afterwards, enough
foolish people were interested for me to put them on the table
at the potluck feast that night.  Those with much determination
and good, solid teeth did inform me that my spices worked
well, at any rate . . .

	The worst almost-disaster I've *witnessed* came about
when our group was planning its first Twelfth Night celebration.
Activities were planned all day, to culminate in a feast.
Fortunately for us (we thought), we'd just gotten a new member
who had years of re-creation and autocrating experience.  She
was hugely knowledgeable about costuming, and her family's
garb and gear were fantastic.  She graciously agreed to
autocrat the feast for us.
	A couple weeks later, some of us in the planning
division got together with the lady in question to go over
the proposed menu.  It was: roast turkey, with potato rolls,
potato soup, and pumpkin rolls (and a few extra little
flourishes).  Not an Old World food appeared anywhere on the
menu.
	The other planners and I sat there with fixed smiles
and feelings of doom; there was no time to replace her (and
no possible candidates for a replacement, anyway).  Also, we
didn't want to offend the lady, since she *was* working hard.
But, on the other hand, we had big-time visitors coming in
from other areas to see how our fledgeling group was
developing.  All we could think was, "We're gonna look like
a bunch of total ignoramuses when this feast gets served!"
	I believe a few kindly hints were dropped a little
after that meeting, because the feast actually turned out
pretty well -- the turkey ended up as "mystery meat" in
some pies, the pumpkin rolls were blatantly out of place,
but at least very tasty, and some of the bits and fluorishes
ended up being more Period-appropriate.  The only really
egregious thing left on the menu was the mashed potatoes
spiked with yellow food coloring that were passed off as
"saffron rice (ha, ha)."  Overall, our distinguished visitors
were most pleased, not the least because, whatever she knew
about Period cooking, the lady in charge really was experienced
as an autocrat, and she kept large quantities of food coming
at a good clip.
	Still, it was a good reminder that someone who is
an expert in a few areas is not always an expert in *all*
areas, and that past references are a Good Thing to have in
hand when appointing autocrats . . .

		-- Ruth