[Sca-cooks] OOP Query

[Philip & Susan Troy]

Also sprach Christina Nevin:
>OK, I've read the posts, I've heard the Fun Lovin' Criminals, I've watched
>Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and I finally have to break down and ask - what
>the HECK is a Scooby Snack????

Scripts for BTVS and, now that BTVS ain't wot it was, Smallville,
contain frequent references to plot elements (and I use this term in
the broadest possible sense) from a truly unspeakable late 1960's
Hanna-Barbera cartoon called, "Scooby Doo, Where are You?" When I say
unspeakable, I don't mean it simply has no imaginative elements at
all; I mean it actually has imaginative elements to a negative
extent. It is, literally, a black hole of creativity, a cartoon which
makes other programming look bad, not because of negative comparison,
but because "Scooby-Doo" is the carrier of a miasmic social and
psychic disease. Anything it touches is tainted with suckiness.

Naturally, it was _immensely_ popular, and had a great effect on
American culture from then on. It featured the adventures of four
rather peculiar teenagers, all poster children for their stereotypes.
We have the nominal leader, who, in trying to look and act "hip",
just seems to be desperately seeking a closet to come out of, then
there's the unempowered bimbo, the sexually and linguistically
ambiguous "smart one", and the "hippy" pothead who, of course, never
actually uses or advocates use of any controlled substance... and
then there's this last character's dog, who is the title character.
Scooby Doo can talk, but suffers a severe dog-like speech impediment
(insert an "R" at the beginning of each syllable in lieu of any
initial consonant), unlike, say, Spider Robinson's character, Ralph
Von Wau-Wau. Scooby (sort of a Great Dane, I guess) is also more or
less addicted to a particular type of dog biscuit known as Scooby
Snacks, apparently laced with powerful endorphins.

Every, single episode of this series has essentially the same plot
(and this is probably the attraction; it's sort of a religious
ritual, comforting in its routine predictability). Virtuous
entrepreneur (often an animated version of a well-known show-business
personality -- thinking back, I think top awards go to the animated
Dick Van Dyke, the animated Laurel and Hardy, and the animated "Mama"
Cass Elliot) friend of teen main characters, is being plagued by
wide-spectrum supernatural phenomena; helpful neighbor, employer, or
other local supporting cast member attempts to provide assistance
while also supplying red herrings in solution of "mystery". Teens
encounter ghost/monster, displaying supernatural abilities and
extreme hostility. Shaggy and Scooby attempt to bail, but are both(!)
bribed into acquiescence by promises of Scooby Snacks. Combination of
blind luck and discoveries made by Velma-The-Smart-One lead to
unmasking of ghost/monster as
neighbor/employer/local-supporting-cast-member, who has been trying
to cheat virtuous friend of teens out of inheritance/land/generic
kewl thing earned by sweat of brow. "And I would have pulled it off,
if it weren't for you blasted, meddling teenagers!!!" No explanation
is ever offered for the broad-spectrum supernatural abilities of
ghost/monster, but usually _one_ phenomenon is explained away as
phosphorus, mirrors, or a thin wire. Fini.

It doesn't bother me that this series existed. (Well, not too much.)
It bothers me that they made more than one segment, and even several
different versions of the series. I will not even discuss the fact
that the live-action movie just released looks like becoming one of
the biggest money-makers of all time. As Claudius would have said, it
depresses me unutterably.

Adamantius