[Sca-cooks] Gunthar's adventures with lace

[Mike Macchione]

> Anyway, for all of you who chided me for the "talentless clod"
> remark. I actually missed fighter practice last night, after
> being all psyched to grab a bastard sword and play Jedi knight
> on a few skulls, to attend (ulp!) a lace-making class!
<<snippage>>
>Well, the nice Laurel lady (Mistress
> Meadh of Atenveldt) made the perfect comment:
>
> "Some people come to lace making class and learn to make lace. Others
> walk away with a further appreciation of the art."
>
> Ain't that a wonderfully diplomatic way of telling me to stir the
> soup?

Gunther, I know my last post was a bit silly, but this one I mean... thank
you for writing this post...it struck a chord in me and I really needed it.
I know you wrote it to try and convince us that you are a 'talentless clod"
but to me it showed me why they made you a peer....

If you don't mind... I'm going to ramble a bit....I just feel the need to
explain this... as well as whats been going on in my life and explain why I
haven't posted much lately... hehe and don't worry I won't be offended if
you click on the delete button....

Years ago, I joined this list when it was only about 2-3 months old, at the
time, I was very gung-ho about cooking, was a moderately active list
participant, had lots of ideas and didn't hesitate from saying them.... and
slowly I learned, well primarily I learned that I had lots to learn about
cooking and medieval cooking in particular....  So I slowly started to fade
to the background listening to people's wisdom

Well, to be honest, the fact that I was finishing a doctorate in mathematics
also played a huge part in my lack of participation. Prior to finishing it,
I used cooking as a way to destress, to help others in the kitchen in a way
that basically had nothing to do with mathematics.  I routinely went to
events to help out in the kitchen and had a great time doing it.

When I finished the PhD, my life started changing.... well to be honest
spiraling out of control is probably a better description. At about this
time I became my shire's minister of lists and started spending almost all
my events at the battlefield instead of the kitchen...  Meanwhile, the
stress I was under from finishing my dissertation turned into stress about
finding a job.... a couple of interviews go by and still no job....until at
almost the last minute a school popped up interviewed me and hired me..So
now I am under the stress of starting teaching at a _very_catholic college
(and me a formerly-catholic gay pagan.... oh boy)

well, just when my life should be settling down.... my shire, which has
always been a bit dysfunctional, decides to implode... and since I was the
only person who seemed to have a clue during this and was still speaking
with everyone....well I became seneschal..

This caused me even more stress.... and i think it aided in causing my
teaching to suffer. All in all, I at this point, I entered into a pretty bad
episode of depression.that basically kept coloring my outlook on life for
months...

While my shire was imploding, we were planning King and Queen's Bardic
champions, which I volunteered to cook for.  well actually, the shire was
determined to do the event and the only other person who knew enough period
cooking to do it was terrified at the idea of cooking for it, so I was kinda
stuck with the job... and a job it was....

I figured I would eventually get some inspiration along the way, but it
never really did. I pulled it off and people told me it was a great feast
despite me hating the menu... and the roast beef being ruined (we still
can't figure out what happened to it... but it had a slightly odd odor and
we thought better safe than sorry).

Within a month of this feast, I learned that my contract wasn't being
renewed for a second year.  In retrospect, I realize that I was pretty much
fired with cause, but the administration was still foolish for not helping
me out and giving me a second chance.  But anyhow, my self esteem has
completely bottomed out.

I decide to completely change career fields... (pretty much tossing away the
doctorate) and find some new employment.  That is, after taking a summer off
(one of the reasons I went into education in the first place).  So last
september, I started to hunt for a new job....and was willing to take almost
anything.  At which time Sept 11 occurs and the bottom falls out of the job
market.  Well, I finally find employment last month, after 11 months of
joblessness.

During the past year,  Ramen noodles became a staple in my diet... and
unfortunately the money just wasn't there to do any real experimenting with
period cooking  Every so often an event would have some sort of cooking
competition and I would be tempted to enter... and then I would realize that
the cost of ingredients that I would need to make the dish I envisioned
would feed me for a week....  well that made me feel even worse..... and
less inspired to do period cooking....

My depression was then at a pretty advanced stage... and it scares me a bit
to think of just how close I was to ending it all.  Way too damn close....

Which brings me to the present... now that I am employed (at a job that is
so low stress that my biggest source of stress is worrying about whether my
boss is going to catch me falling asleep at my desk) my life is slowly
turning around and  I figured I can now afford to do some period
cooking...and maybe I can get my love of cooking back.  So I turned to the
cooks list and started really reading messages (instead of skimming like
I've been doing for over a year now).

Amongst comments about asian personas, foreign languages, in jokes, and the
occasional snide comment, I have to say, I wasn't finding my inspiration...
in fact I was getting a bit annoyed and was thinking of dropping off the
list for the first time since I joined. which would basically symbolize my
giving up on period cooking....

and then I read your message, Gunther. and in a few quick and off the cuff
words from you and I knock out a few more bricks from the wall of self
denigration I had encased myself in. After reading your message, the
following thoughts slammed through my thick head:

1) sometimes skipping something you love can lead to a valuable lesson
2) trying a new experience is more important than learning something new.
3) if you try something and fail, you didn't really fail, because you
learned something... even if the only thing you learned is to respect others
who succeeded where you failed.
4) there's nothing wrong with "stirring the soup" because you still get to
watch and learn.

I keep looking at so many aspects of my life and see how Mistress Meadh's
comment would apply. Especially knowing how many times I had tried something
and failed and had only let it get me depressed.

Mainly I keep thinking.... and paraphrasing her comment "some people try to
become teachers and find love in life long career.  I walked away... but
learned a lot about myself"

and....

"Some come to the cooks list to learn cooking, others walk away with a
further appreciation of the art"

in regards to the second quote... well, I don't think I've done either
yet... so I think I'm just going to mosey over here and stir this soup
pot.....


Again Gunther, thank you for helping me open my eyes a bit...  I know it
might have seemed like an offhand post.... but the meaning behind it reminds
me of why people like you are made into peers...

Kael