[Sca-cooks] "everybody's got ... problems" (OT & OOP)

Phil Troy / G. Tacitus Adamantius adamantius1 at verizon.net
Sat Oct 27 07:57:09 PDT 2007

On Oct 27, 2007, at 9:12 AM, Georgia Foster wrote:

> extra points if you can name the TV series the quote came from
> They keep finding words for things that were once lumped into  
> general over-arching categories.  Never been "diagnosed" as having  
> any form of Autism.  When I was a kid, the school councilors called  
> it 'socially inept'.  ALL FOUR of my kids are 'socially inept'.   
> Because I am 'socially inept' I have no way to teach them how to BE  
> socially 'ept'.
> I learned to deal with it by keeping my mouth shut, standing with my  
> back to the wall and pretending I could become invisible.  Worked a  
> fine mostly because I was superfluous.
> Then I found this group where I was not judged because I was  
> 'socially inept'.  I have no special gifts or skills to offer other  
> than a willingness to take on jobs others would rather not do,  
> smile, nod, and drop curtsy when appropriate. BUT, here was the  
> important part ... I was no longer superfluous.
> I was to learn much later in life, when I finally went to college,   
> that the reason tribes appear so tolerant and accepting was because  
> not one of the members is 'extra'.
> No one ... not one of our members is superfluous.  I am deeply  
> saddened when someone feels like they must leave because they  
> are ... extra people.
> There ... my big bad secret is out of the bag.  There is a reason I  
> show up, shut up, do the jobs that do not require me to speak  
> outside of script.
> Before Mir snorts in her soup, (aha! ... a food reference) for those  
> who do not know ... I just finished up a term as Kingdom Herald ...  
> For the benefit of those who note incongruity of these two  
> statements ... the Herald's job is highly scripted ... thus  
> providing a safe platform from which to voice.  Actually, I got the  
> Kingdom Herald gig because nobody applied for it and the person who  
> was doing it could not continue doing it, but that is another story.
> And ... aside from the obvious, I actually DO get my jollies by  
> providing service doing the jobs that others would rather not do.   
> It is entirely likely that the high degree of satisfaction that I  
> get from doing what is needed comes from feeling useful, needed,  
> wanted ...      in other words ... not extra.

Being made to feel superfluous to a community is very hurtful, but  
there are a couple of major differences between the situation you're  
describing above and the situation seen and discussed here previously.

I don't think the lady in question was ever called extra or  
superfluous. I don't recall anyone saying she was unwanted. I believe  
that when she announced her intention of severing contact with the  
SCA, some people expressed extreme sorrow, while others simply pointed  
out that sometimes we lose people, and sometimes it's just as  
important to channel our energies into salvaging those relationships  
that can be salvaged as to agonize over the ones that apparently can't.

In addition, through all of this, I don't believe anyone had any  
issues with the lady's medical situation. For most of our dealings  
with her, nobody knew anything unusual was going on, other than that  
her behavior was A) somewhat odd, and B) not conducive to achieving  
the results she appeared to be going for. This last aspect was  
explicitly explained to her, and apparently her condition was such  
that she could not or would not see this as anything but a lot of  
people being mean to her, which no one was, as far as I know. In no  
way, shape or form, not even in the remotest stretch of the  
imagination, could any of this be construed as bias or discrimination  
against the different for being inherently different. Her condition  
does not define her identity. Some of her actions and some of the  
things she said were questioned from within the framework of her own  
search for comments and approval, and some people had some difficulty  
doing that to the extent she seemed to need, but nobody treated her  

Now I can understand why most anyone would be sympathetic to this  
lady's situation -- we all feel socially awkward at times. But you  
seem to be doing quite well, judging from your interactions with the  
people here (and I've admired your .sig line for quite a while  
now...). You seem to be living proof of the virtues inherent in  
treating people the same, even if there are differences on the surface.

The trouble is, I can't help but think this lady wanted, ultimately,  
to be treated differently from everybody else.

It's a shame, no question. But what could anyone have done  
differently, other than ignore her, which would achieve a similar  
result in the end?


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