[Sca-cooks] I don't want to die

Saint Phlip phlip at 99main.com
Tue Oct 30 10:43:23 PDT 2007

John was a good man, all his life, tithed regularly, went to church
every holiday and Sunday, confessed his sins, all of which were minor
things that he learned from, was sober in his habits and eventually
died and went to Heaven. He had been preceded in death by his
neighbor, Thomas, a man who was mighty in his sins, father of many
children out of wedlock, the subject of many stories told of drunken
adventures, a notable trencherman, and who had ultimately died, while
drunk, jumping out of the window of a married lady when her husband
had returned home.

After some time in Heaven. which was very polite and quiet, and
truthfully, rather boring, John ran into St Peter, and asked him how
his old neighbor was doing, and, St Peter having a bit of free time,
offered to take John down to Hell to see his old neighbor Thomas, so
down they went.

When they got there, and managed to get Thomas' location, after some
time going through the Hellish bureaucracy (because as we all know,
bureaucracy was invented by the devil, so people would sin, in the
frustration of trying to deal with useless red tape. Our hero, John,
however, had been noted in his virtues for patience with bureaucracy),
St Peter led John to a mighty feast hall, where the tables were
cleared of any foodstuffs, and it appeared that everyone was settling
down to an evening of rowdy indulgence. And there was his old neighbor
Thomas, sitting at the table, a full mug in one hand, and arms around
two pretty demonesses, one on each knee.

"Well", said John. "I thought Hell was for the punishment of sinners,
but I see Thomas is being allowed to continue as he had on earth. How
can this be?"

"Everything is not quite as it appears to be," quoth St Peter. "See
the mug in his hand?"

"Yes..." said John.

"He never gets a drink. The mug has a hole in the bottom of it."

"Oh, Okay..." said John.

"And, you see the two pretty demonesses on his knee?"


"They don't"

On 10/30/07, Robin Carroll-Mann <rcmann4 at earthlink.net> wrote:
> -----Original Message-----
> >From: S CLEMENGER <sclemenger at msn.com>
> A counter to this is jokes about having a better time in hell (with the implication that it'll be more fun and more interesting), and that one's friends will be there.  It's not meant seriously, generally.
> >--Maire
> It's a concept also found in medieval literature.  Here's a quote from the French romance of "Aucassin and Nicolette":
> "In Paradise what have I to do? I care not to enter, but only to have Nicolette, my very sweet friend, whom I love so dearly well. For into Paradise go none but such people as I will tell you of. There go those agèd priests, and those old cripples, and the maimed, who all day long and all night cough before the altars, and in the crypts beneath the churches; those who go in worn old mantles and tattered habits; who are naked, and barefoot, and full of sores; who are dying of hunger and of thirst, of cold and of wretchedness. Such as these enter in Paradise, and with them have I nought to do. But in Hell will I go. For to Hell go the fair clerks and the fair knights who are slain in the tourney and the great wars, and the stout archer and the loyal man. With them will I go. And there go the fair and courteous ladies, who have friends two or three, together with their wedded lords. And there pass the gold and the silver, the ermine and all rich furs, harpers and minstrels, and the happy of the world. With these will I go, so only that I have Nicolette, my very sweet friend, by my side."
> http://www.elfinspell.com/MRLAucassin.html
> Brighid ni Chiarain
> Barony of Settmour Swamp, East Kingdom

Saint Phlip

Heat it up
Hit it hard
Repent as necessary.


It's the smith who makes the tools, not the tools which make the smith.

.I never wanted to see anybody die, but there are a few obituary
notices I have read with pleasure. -Clarence Darrow

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