[Sca-cooks] Brightening up the Holiday Season with a little Surrealism...
Phil Troy / G. Tacitus Adamantius
adamantius1 at verizon.net
Tue Dec 16 20:59:13 PST 2008
Hullo, the list!
So here I am, having sent out some food gifts to family for the
various holidays via Internet-initiated shipments... I did make a lot
of food gifts, but for some long-distance people I simply had some
things shipped directly from various vendors.
Of course, fruit baskets aren't really my thing (if the fruit were
really good, it would be too delicate to ship that way), and those
weird little assortments with the little block of soaplike cheese,
sour-tasting, overly-ground sausage, and packets of really small
crackers aren't much better.
I finally opted for items from a place that cures and smokes hams and
related products (and sells them online), and in a moment of
inspiration bordering on madness, one of the New-Jersey-based Scottish
bakeries that sell things like meat pies, Forfar Bridies, sausage
rolls, etc.
I mean, what are the odds of another party giving a duplicate gift?
"Oh, drat, ANOTHER box of pub meat pies! That's the third one in two
days!"
I just received an e-mail from my nephew, affecting to angrily accuse
me of being the party responsible for an unmarked, unidentified,
unpedigreed and semi-provenance-free box of meat pies, bridies and
sausage rolls delivered by UPS magically on their doorstep. He said
the local office of the Department of Homeland Security was called in,
and it was determined that while it was indeed a box of pub-style meat
pies, it could not in fact be classified as an act of terrorism in the
strictest sense, or even a public health hazard, and hunting down the
evildoer responsible would cost a lot of taxpayer funds, so it would
be better to simply eat the pies and let it go...
But, he said, he knew perfectly well who was responsible, I shouldn't
bother trying to deny it, and some day I'd get what's coming to me ;-) .
That's okay. He thinks he's got it bad? His father and mother got
their very own haggis. And if they want to complain, I can only say
that it could have been worse. They got the small size. If they want
to play rough, I could have sent them the five-pound presentation
size! They can't intimidate me!!!
Adamantius (wondering, with amused anticipation, what form any acts of
vengeance might take -- I've already been threatened with haakarl once
today)
"Most men worry about their own bellies, and other people's souls,
when we all ought to worry about our own souls, and other people's
bellies."
-- Rabbi Israel Salanter
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