[Sca-cooks] Brightening up the Holiday Season with a little Surrealism...

Phil Troy / G. Tacitus Adamantius adamantius1 at verizon.net
Tue Dec 16 20:59:13 PST 2008


Hullo, the list!

So here I am, having sent out some food gifts to family for the  
various holidays via Internet-initiated shipments... I did make a lot  
of food gifts, but for some long-distance people I simply had some  
things shipped directly from various vendors.

Of course, fruit baskets aren't really my thing (if the fruit were  
really good, it would be too delicate to ship that way), and those  
weird little assortments with the little block of soaplike cheese,  
sour-tasting, overly-ground sausage, and packets of really small  
crackers aren't much better.

I finally opted for items from a place that cures and smokes hams and  
related products (and sells them online), and in a moment of  
inspiration bordering on madness, one of the New-Jersey-based Scottish  
bakeries that sell things like meat pies, Forfar Bridies, sausage  
rolls, etc.

I mean, what are the odds of another party giving a duplicate gift?  
"Oh, drat, ANOTHER box of pub meat pies! That's the third one in two  
days!"

I just received an e-mail from my nephew, affecting to angrily accuse  
me of being the party responsible for an unmarked, unidentified,  
unpedigreed and semi-provenance-free box of meat pies, bridies and  
sausage rolls delivered by UPS magically on their doorstep. He said  
the local office of the Department of Homeland Security was called in,  
and it was determined that while it was indeed a box of pub-style meat  
pies, it could not in fact be classified as an act of terrorism in the  
strictest sense, or even a public health hazard, and hunting down the  
evildoer responsible would cost a lot of taxpayer funds, so it would  
be better to simply eat the pies and let it go...

But, he said, he knew perfectly well who was responsible, I shouldn't  
bother trying to deny it, and some day I'd get what's coming to me ;-) .

That's okay. He thinks he's got it bad? His father and mother got  
their very own haggis. And if they want to complain, I can only say  
that it could have been worse. They got the small size. If they want  
to play rough, I could have sent them the five-pound presentation  
size! They can't intimidate me!!!

Adamantius (wondering, with amused anticipation, what form any acts of  
vengeance might take -- I've already been threatened with haakarl once  
today)




"Most men worry about their own bellies, and other people's souls,  
when we all ought to worry about our own souls, and other people's  
bellies."
			-- Rabbi Israel Salanter




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