[Sca-cooks] No means no
judith at ipstenu.org
Wed Aug 26 15:22:28 PDT 2009
On Aug 26, 2009, at 5:10 PM, Gretchen Beck wrote:
> Some things are worth the fight and hurt feelings. Others are best
> addressed with "no, thank you, that's fine thank you." As you yourself
> noted, to continue pushing it is rude. Why would I want to dine at
> someones house who insisted on "why" for my every food decision at
> their table -- who pushed me into a level of intimacy that, perhaps,
> I'm not comfortable with? I'm happy to share some things, others
> (even including why I do certain things during interactions with
> others), I'm not. Somehow, I don't think that would be something we
> could work around...
> toodles, margaret
On the other hand, how does one reach the point of friendship at which
one is able to discuss intimate matters, without ever sharing a meal?
A person invites you over in the spirit of friendship. You say no
thank you, without giving me a clue as to why -- well, all right, that
tells me that you don't desire my friendship.
But if we're already friends, and I invite you, and then I say "I just
want to make sure that you're able to get a meal you can enjoy -- do
you have any dietary restrictions I need to be aware of?" That's not
asking for intimate information, for the love of Good Sweet Mike!
That's me being a good host. If you have texture problems with, say,
noodles... just say "I really can't eat noodles." Now, I don't know if
that's because of the way they taste, the texture issues, a gluten
intolerance... But I am jolly well going to make sure you don't get
anything that looks, feels, tastes, or smells like noodles, nor
anything with gluten in it. Like I said before, I will go completely
out of my way to make absolutely certain that a guest is able to eat
comfortably in my home. That is part of being a good, responsible
host. That way, you won't get all the way to the dinner table before I
learn that nothing I've made is appealing and safe for you. Answering
the questions -- in whatever way you feel comfortable answering --
BEFORE you get to my house is being a good and responsible guest.
That's the social contract that host and guest undertake together.
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