[Sca-cooks] No means no

Gretchen Beck grm at andrew.cmu.edu
Wed Aug 26 15:10:29 PDT 2009

--On Wednesday, August 26, 2009 4:40 PM -0500 Judith Epstein
<judith at ipstenu.org> wrote:

> There are a lot of reasons. Sure, the reasons are valid because they're
> yours, but if you're good enough friends to be sharing a meal, doesn't
> your friend deserve to know whether you're objecting to something they
> might be able to fix, so that you can enjoy one another's company over a
> nice plate of food?

For me, by the time they are good enough friends to be saying "I don't want
to come over to your house because I have problems with your
spouse/kids/neighborhood/decorating style/choice of silverware" etc, they
are good enough friends that I already know what their culinary no-nos are. 

Some things are worth the fight and hurt feelings. Others are best
addressed with "no, thank you, that's fine thank you." As you yourself
noted, to continue pushing it is rude. Why would I want to dine at someones
house who insisted on "why" for my every food decision at their table --
who pushed me into a level of intimacy that, perhaps, I'm not comfortable
with?  I'm happy to share some things, others (even including why I do
certain things during interactions with others), I'm not. Somehow, I don't
think that would be something we could work around...

toodles, margaret

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