SR - (Fwd) Santa Viagra Herstory (The Next Part)

[j'lynn yeates]

oh, the pain, the pain!

'wolf


------- Forwarded Message Follows -------
From:           	"Weaver, Ellsworth III" <JEW1 at pge.com>
Subject:        	Santa Viagra Herstory (The Next Part)
Date sent:      	Tue, 25 Aug 1998 16:47:46 -0700

Welcome back, Gentle Pilgrims, 

When we left our young Scullery Greyway, later known as Santa Viagra, 
she
had given her favor to her father's squire, Xerox the Repetitive. We had
left them at the Renfest, sweltering in the heat, changing in the
port-a-loos, exchanging vows of love and sword blows. 

Poor Xerox. He had tried so hard to emulate his knight, Sir Tain of
Naught, and had even adopted the same shield type: the dreaded round
shield. Sure, he had heard everyone else's advice and even the song but he
was undaunted. What song? Well, as chronicler I suppose I should let you
read it here but no singing or humming it for it is quite unsuitable.
Where these things come from I cannot know. 

The Old Battered Round
(tune of "The Old Rugged Cross") 

On a field far away
Lies an old battered round:
The emblem of lower limb pain.
And I love that old round
Over heaters and kites
Though a thousand more times I'll be slain. 

Chorus:
And I'll cling to that old battered round (battered round)
'Cause it's taught me to fight on the ground.
I will cherish the old battered round
And exchange it some day for a crown. 

Oh, that old battered round
So despised by the crowd
Is a constant companion to me.
'Cause it's cut from some planks
Kind of mossy and dank
>From the White Ship which sank in the sea. 

[Chorus] 

There are some who will say
Only fools use a round,
Outmoded and sort of passé,
That it leaves lots of gaps
Where the foemen can whap,
But I've seen that round win the day! 

[Chorus] 

Oh my old battered round
Has been a sun shade.
In rainstorms I've stood in its lee.
It's a table for kings,
Wagon wheel for a cart,
Can be thrown as a deadly Frisbee (tm)!

Last Chorus:
And I'll cling to that old battered round (battered round)
'Cause it's taught me to fight on the ground.
I will cherish the old battered round
And exchange it some day for a ... heater, wankel, anything! ... hey
anybody got a two-handed clicker mace they're not using? 


There you are; you cannot say you were not forewarned. Quit that humming,
right now! 

We will let the reader imagine, if they will, the difficulties Xerox was
having blocking those blows. In the next small segment I will relate the
horrors of his picking an offensive weapon. 

Your chronicler, 
Sir Balthazar of Endor 
Dwarf Lord 
West / the Marches / Tarnmist 
Knight Defender of Notre Dame de Mal de Mer (home of the cult of Santa
Viagra) Tune in later for "My Lord! Is that a sword, milord?" or "Can I
drop my shield if I yield?" 



... When we hunt, we all function with one mind
... - Boingo, Pedestrian Wolves
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