[Western] Southerness

[Ann]

But they left out the best one, Good South'rn ladies always know how to get
their point across with one statement.  That's Niccccce!!!!.


----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Jesus Cavazos" <toshirokoi at hotmail.com>
To: <western at ansteorra.org>
Sent: Monday, August 30, 2004 2:03 PM
Subject: [Western] Southerness


>
> Something I got from someone. Thought you might like it.
>
> Toshiro
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
>
> Subject: Southernosity
>
> Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissy fit and a
conniption
> fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
>
> Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,
peas,
> beans, etc., make up "a mess."
>
> Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of
> "yonder."
>
> Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is -- as in: "Going to
> town, be back directly."
>
> Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the
> white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the
> middle of the table.
>
> All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the
> term, but they know the concept well.
>
> Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for
a
> neighbor who's got trouble... is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big
bowl
> of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they
also
> know to add a large banana puddin!
>
> Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and
"a
> right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile
or
> 20.
>
> Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a
> redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
>
> No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn
> signal is actually going to make a turn.
>
> A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an
adverb.
>
> Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do
"queues,"
> we do "lines"; and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!
>
> Southerners never refer to one person as "ya'll."
>
> Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
>
> Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are
> perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that
> fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
>
> When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you
are
> in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
>
> Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea
indicates
> the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened.
> "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
>
> A true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies
> who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go
your
> own way.
>
> To those of you who're still a little embarrassed by your Southerness:
Take
> two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning.
> Bless your heart!
>
> And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all
this
> Southern stuff, bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes
on
> Southernness as a second language!
>
> And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long
> time, ya'll need a sign to hang on ya'lls front porch that reads "I aint
> from the South but I got here as fast as I could."
>
> Bless your hearts, ya'll have a blessed day.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
>
> You know you're from the North if ...
>
> You've watched the movie "Deliverance" and you're afraid to go on a
camping
> trip. Ever.
>
> For breakfast you'd rather have potatoes than grits.
>
> You can name at least 4 hockey teams.
>
> You've never eaten Okra.
>
> You wonder why people in restaurants don't talk as loud as you do.
>
> You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun & knife show.
>
> You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
>
> You've never had grain alcohol.
>
> You are familiar with all the rules to Lacrosse.
>
> You have no idea what a polecat is.
>
> You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
>
> You've never had bangs.
>
> You'd rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
>
> You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
>
> You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own
> TV fishing show.
>
> You refer to two or more people as "you guys" instead of "y'all".
>
> You think more money should go to important scientific research at your
> university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
>
> You prefer a bagel over a donut.
>
> You don't know anyone who goes by both their first and middle names.
>
> You get freaked out when strangers in public talk to you.
>
> You don't know what a Piggly-Wiggly is.
>
> You think NASCAR stands for the North American Society for...(something)
>
> You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
>
> You use the horn in your car more than once or twice a year.
>
> Everything you know about the Civil War you learned watching TV.
>
> You don't "reckon."
>
> You're not "fixin" to do anything.
>
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