[Ansteorra-announce] A Handbook, Laurels, Leeches, & a Challenge.....

[Brian & Pam Martin]

Greetings Ansteorra from Jehanne d'Avignon, Kingdom Minister of Arts &
Sciences,

 

I have been traveling the Kingdom teaching a class called "Participating in
the Arts in Ansteorra - a Class for the Artisans of Ansteorra"   I used this
class to gather information for a  Handbook for the Artisans of Ansteorra
which was, just today, placed onto the Arts & Sciences web site for all of
you to reference.  

http://moas.ansteorra.org/

 

One of the missions of this class is to encourage you to ask the Laurels if
you are trying to find out about something, no matter how strange.   A few
days ago one of the Laurels posted a question to the Laurel list and I was
astounded, and amused by the responses.  I have asked the Laurels for
permission to cobble together the question and the responses to demonstrate
to you the kinds of wacky & weird stuff that the know.  

 

Oh, and if you like a challenge,  try to guess what Ansteorran Laurel made
each comment (yes, some Laurels are repeated).  Drop me a note with your
guesses and I'll tell you if your correct.  : )

 

Have fun,

Jehanne d'Avignon

Kingdom Minister of Arts & Sciences

 

 

ORIGINAL LAUREL QUESTION:  Much as I enjoy being an ethereal hermit,  there
comes a time in most everyone's life when she must seek out Certain Groups
and Personages while on odd quests.  Just so, I have resubscribed (albeit
just briefly) to cast an Important Question upon these wise waters, as
pilgrims of old might cast bread onto the ponds of divinatory ducks and
fish:

OK, does anyone here know where I can get leeches?  Not dead leeches.  Not
gummy leeches.  Real live blood-sucking leeches.

 Period Welsh leeches would be ideal, but since I don't have the particular
genus & species info at hand, any old leeches will do.  And while it would
be particularly keen if someone could run a Belted, Kerry or Dexter cow
through a swamp and harvest the leeches off of her (documentably period
method of leech harvesting), I won't insist on it.   No, I am not joking.
Not even a little.   Yes, I'm willing to pay for them.  (If you've got them,
email me and we'll talk.) ;-)  (And yes, I probably would pay extra if they
were harvested in a period manner.)   Did I mention -- I need them in about
1 week?    Yes, again, I am perfectly serious.   Anonymity guaranteed!
Unless of course you want me to let people know you can get leeches for
them, in which case I'll be happy to ballyhoo your name and contact info to
all and sundry.  (And yes, there are other people who want leeches.)

 

 

LAUREL 1:   Try a university near you.  We have a guy here at UT that
studies leeches.  (not the kind that you can use.... these are totally clear
leeches.  He  studies them.

 

LAUREL 2:  We've got the UT Health Science Center here, someone there might
be studying leeches.  Preferably visible leeches.  It won't hurt to check.
...hmmmm.... clear leeches.... completely undetectable....HMMMMMMM......

 

LAUREL 3:  I'll be t that your local pharmacist could order them for you:
"Leeches, U.S.P.". No kidding. No...I don't want to know.

 

LAUREL 4:  Hmmm.  I wonder if I would need a prescription?

LAUREL 5:  I could tell you how to get some if you lived up in the Midwest
as I used to do. I got myself a twenty-gallon aquarium simply swarming with
leeches by the following method:  Set up aquarium;  Adopt some river turtles
from the wild; Put the turtles in the aquarium (in your nice heated house)
and feed them  well; Watch the half-dozen leeches the turtles already had on
their bodies  multiply beyond belief! Poor turtles! I released the turtles
into the wild and emptied the aquarium into the  driveway. The multitudinous
leeches all clung to the large granite rocks I  had aquascaped the aquarium
with. Then I poured SALT on them. Ooohhhhh. . . .that was fun. (they didn't
melt like snails, but they twitched amazingly, morphing into  every possible
shape [towards the flat, ruffly end of things] before they  died.)
muahahahahaha!

LAUREL  6:  Wow!  I am deeply impressed.  That was just spectacularly gross,
yet simultaneously rivetting!  And I can just see you killing leeches in
your driveway.  Y'know, it's strange.  It seems like 99% of the flora and
fauna in Texas wants to stick you, eat you or poison you.  You'd think
leeches would be a lot easier to come by here, wouldn't you?

 

LAUREL 7:  Nope....too much competition.... ;-)

 

LAUREL 8:    Being a pharmacist, leeches are still used for microvascular
surgery. There are companies that breed sterile leeches for this purpose.
Having dealt with the little worms, they are absolutely disgusting. what are
you using them for?

 

LAUREL 9:  Hmmmm..... I'm stocking a pond for the next  event?  No, not
really.  Actually I'm researching a novel alternative to chemical
castration.  Really!  Not buying that one?  Uhmmm... how about I'm doing an
impromptu study on the gross-out-factor differential between late period
male personae and early period male personae???  Look, I just need them.
For something.  Not for anything bad, tho. Well, not for anything
life-threatening anyway....

PS --  how do you blazon a leech displayed?  (There.  That should get their
mind off what I'm going to use them for.) ;-)

 

LAUREL 10:  Leeches don't have four limbs, and can't be displayed.  Their
default position is "hauriant".

 

 

LAUREL 11:  well google really can find anything

  <http://www.leechesusa.com/leechesusa/>
http://www.leechesusa.com/leechesusa/

  <http://www.walleyesinc.com/walleyeinc3/onlinestorek1.html>
http://www.walleyesinc.com/walleyeinc3/onlinestorek1.html

  <http://www.lolbait.com/> http://www.lolbait.com/

 

LAUREL 12:  I was particularly impressed by the "Emergency Delivery Service"
offered.

 

LAUREL 13:  I think she should get the leech mobile home!

 

LAUREL 14:  She probably only needs the mini-mobile home...  ;)

 

LAUREL 15:  Oh Jeezzzz....  Snakes are fine, spiders are cool, bugs are
okay.... but leeches???  E-yew, E-yew, E-yew!  The two things that give me
the creepy crawlie willies are scorpions and parasites.  Especially
parasites.  I'm squirming in my chair as I type.  Visions of the X-Files and
giant sized flatworms are filtering through my brain. And port-o-potties....
I really hope I forget this by the time Gulf Wars gets here.  P.S.  So, I
must point out that out of morbid curiosity that you must come clean
sometime.  Really.  Even if it creeps me out even more....

 

Laurel 16:  I heard that a certain laurel was conducting experiments on
blood sucking invertebrates and thought it a wonderful idea. Imagine my
disappointment when I found out that she was talking about leeches and not
lawyers.