cloven fruit

[Heidi J Torres]

Mari once more strides proudly onto the ethereal field to defend the 
customs of her Barony!

On 5 Feb 1997, Mark Harris wrote:
> Yes, I believe the original poster was serious. And frankly, I believe
> that anyone treating a properly presented cloved fruit as a hand-grenade
> is being rude and obnoxious. 

Yes, well, consider the origin of the custom. >:)  But seriously, 
folks... Often times different customs seem strange, even rude.  However, 
at the time that this now time-honored tradition was fledged, cloven 
fruit were a plague upon the land.  Yea, indeed, everywhere one looked, 
fruit of all kinds -- oranges, lemons, pinapples, melons, even, Heaven 
Forfend, Bananas, Mangos and Papayas (the effect of cloves upon soft 
tropical fruit is something devoutly to be avoided) were being cloved.  Then 
there were the 
tomatoes.  Now, imagine this if you will -- the image of SOMEONE YOU DID 
NOT WANT TO KISS learing at one hopefully with a soggy tomato full of 
cloves deteriorating in his or her sweaty palm.  Think not that I lie, 
nay, nor even that I exaggerate -- there are any number of lords and 
ladies out there willing to testify in my defense that what I write is 
the truth.

I will grant, things seem to have calmed down since then and there was a 
while there when most new people didn't know that a cloved orange was 
anything other than a pomander -- 'round here, most of them still don't.  
But I believe that life is cyclical and that all things, good and bad, 
come around again -- so with cloven fruit.

And indeed, it might turn out to be the regrowth of a sweet and delicate 
flirting tradition -- then again, a few years down the line, when you are 
standing in front of a maniacal woman who has not washed her hair since 
the 13th c and feeds truffles to her pet lemur from her mouth, whose 
watery eyes are fixed meaninfully upon you and whose ragged, fuschia
fingernails are grasping a clove-spotted piece of guava-jelly, perhaps, 
just perhaps, you may spare a thought for those early rebels, those 
valiant men and women who carved an untraditional swathe through the 
Ansteorran night, who bravely risked their reputations, their 
friendships, their already uncertain welcome at events, to make their 
mark upon the Ansteorran mindset and show everyone that -- YES! There is 
ALWAYS another way!  To the Bjornsborg Cloved Fruit Guerillas!  May their 
services remain unneeded!

(Now go put on a nice sweeping soundtrack -- something by Aaron Copeland, 
or Jon Williams, and read that last paragraph again.  Sounds alot better 
now, doesn't it?)

Well, my floor's dirty and I have a Baronial Order coming over for a 
meeting -- yes, I know, why clean for them, but still.....  Thus, I must go.

Good wishes and unspotted fruit to you all!

Mari

Post Scriptum

I case you hadn't noticed, the above should be taken with a Wry Humor 
Pill and perhaps a dose of Satirical Comprehension.  Uhh, it's kind of a 
joke, okay!

But it's still the Truth!

Bye!