Bards - Tag Tale part 8

Fitzmorgan at Fitzmorgan at
Fri Jan 12 23:54:43 PST 2001

In a message dated 1/12/01 11:41:40 PM Central Standard Time, Anawyn at 

> Olaf grinned a wide grin. The slight gap between his two front teeth 
>  his peculiar family trait - the gap toothed grin. Since his great, great 
>  grandsire, Alfred e' Neuman begat the proud line of his kinsmen, the 
>  trait cropped up from time to time.
>  Not that it was unattractive. Many of the young women in their homeland 
> would 
>  gather, giggle and gossip when Olaf passed by, audibly murmuring about the 
>  old Norse axiom regarding gap-toothed men and sexual prowess. And, no one, 
>  certainly, could best him in a spitting contest!
>  "Well," laughed Olaf, clapping Sven firmly on the back, " What do you 
>  of that little side of bacon?" he said, smiling broadly and gesturing to 
>  buxom, blond maiden. "There's a ham that you could nibble on all winter, 
>  Sven felt the blood rise to his face. "Watch it," he growled, "lest my ax 
>  find its way into your pork chops!" But before the two could come to 
> a 
>  soft voice intervened. 
>  "Haven't we met before?" Her silky voice cooed. "I can't seem to recall - 
> was 
>  it perhaps the Allthing last year?" Her blue eyes glowed with a depth of 
>  mischief. God she was fair! And just as rosy and pink as a little piglet!
>  Next...
>  Anawyn - taking the bardic arts to new lows.......

    The the Laird said, "There's ne need for fightin'  now.  I kenn see that 
yer taken with the lass.  How would you like to marry her?   
    "Our clan has fighting with clan Donnal fer so many years now that na one 
ken remember how it started"  Last year we finally agreed te end the feud 
with a weeding.  My  eldest daughter was te wed Laird Donnal's eldest son.  
She was willing to do this for the sake of peace even though the Donnals are 
a rude and uncooth lot.  So rude and uncooth that they had insulted the Fairy 
people and greatly offended them.  When the Fairy Queen heard that we were 
making peace with Clan Donnal she went and turned all my daughters into pigs. 
 We tried to explain this to Laird Donnal but he would ne believe it.  Said 
that we were mocking him.  Now the feud is worse than ever.  
    "I consulted with a wise woman and she said that the only thing that 
would break the enchantment and bring my girls back was the kiss of a Jarl.  
We gathered up all the pigs in the village, we even found one pig in my 
youngest dauhters bed still wearing her night clothes.  The only Jarl I knew 
was Gunther.  He trades here often.  I sent two of my most trusted men at 
arms along with the one pig that we knew was one of my daughters to Gunther 
to ask for his help.  He sent word back that he thought I was trying to make 
a fool of him and he was ne about to kiss a pig, but that he had an idea that 
he thought might help.  And it worked!  For here is my lovely daughter 
restored to her natural form by your kiss.  
    Sven could hardly believe what he was hearing.  The Laird was either 
telling the truth or was the best liar that Sven had ever met, and Sven had 
met some very good liars in the Royal Court.  Sven knew what was coming next 
sure as cramps follow Lutefisk.  If he agreed he would be Sven Svin-kyssa 
till the day he died.  On the other hand he was surounded by a lot of well 
armend Scots and he didn't think the Laird would take no for an answer. 
    "I'll give you my daughters hand in marriage and a quarter of my wealth," 
 said the Laird,  "If you will break the enchantment on my other daughters.  
We have gathered every pig for miles around so my daughters are sure te be 
amoung them."


Robert Fitzmorgan

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