ES - Parenting

[Vicki Marsh]

Dear Caerell,

I started this thread and I did not intend to hit a hot button.  I apologize
to you, as you are a sterling exception to many of the fathers that I have
seen in the 22 years I have been in the SCA.

What I intended to do on this topic was create a dialogue between parents of
children.  Personally, Llywelyn is a wonderful father to both my son and
his - when his focus is on them.  When I am around, his focus shifts to
fighting (or computer games, or whatever) and he assumes that I will take
care of the children.  We have discussed this thoroughly and that is why I
occasionally leave town and let him be totally in charge when his son (Sam)
comes to visit.  We work out who gets to do what and try very hard to share
the parenting - sometimes together, sometimes apart.  It takes a lot of
communication on both parts to make it work.

Parenting can also be shared by the friends and the community that we are
in. Fearghus and Arabella's daughters have been at Children's Activities
working hard at most all of the recent events, helping Ameline with her
duties.  I have helped watch other people's children when they asked for
help.  We do that for each other.  Darius is a wonderful father to his two
girls, being the stay-at-home spouse.  Many of our children have developed
friendships with other children and adults that we hope will last for a long
time, and we encourage this so that the SCA will be fun for them as well.

I, too, have been a single parent before I met Llywelyn. My "ex" doesn't try
to visit with his son at all and has chosen not to take an active part in
his life. I didn't get to go and do a lot of fun things in the evenings.  I
was *the* parent, and had no one to depend on except my friends.  When
Llywelyn travels during the week, I have no one to help out at home.  Even
now, we have to make hard choices to put the children first.  It was a key
argument in our decision to step down from the positions of Baron and
Baroness of Elfsea.

But the payoff is worth it in the long run.

Caerell, I was not making light of what you do, nor was Ameline.  Please
accept my personal apology to you.

Mistress Xene Theriane

  -----Original Message-----
  From: owner-elfsea at ansteorra.org [mailto:owner-elfsea at ansteorra.org]On
Behalf Of Laird Caerell MacDomnaill
  Sent: Thursday, October 05, 2000 1:09 AM
  To: elfsea at ansteorra.org
  Subject: Re: ES - RE: ST - Glass Beadmaking Open Studio Night


  I TAKE OFFENSE TO THESE STATEMENTS!!!!!

  As a Single Parent (FATHER) and pretty much the only prarent my two boys
have known, I feel it makes light of what I do every day!

  YES, IT IS VERY SEXIST!

  It is like saying that just because I am not a Woman I can't do a good job
raising my two boys, and that is BULL!

  Please stop using this saying, It grates on my nerves everytime I hear it.
  This is one of the reasons that I don't like Elfsea Moot as I am sure to
hear it from the Minister of Children.

  Yes I agree that many spouses leave the raising of children up to only one
of the parents, BUT it is not always the Father that is running off to
Fighter practice.

  Caerell MacDomnaill
  Single Parent of Two Teenagers
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