[Loch-Ruadh] Thank You Very Much

[DONALD H MCKINNON]

  -----Original Message-----
From: Slack, Lakita A. 
Sent: Friday, December 09, 2005 3:19 PM
To: Wade, Virgie V.; McKinnon, Don; McCalib, April; Aungie (E-mail)
Subject: Thank You


                 

                       My dear Friends,    
                        I want to wish each of you a very MERRY
CHRISTMAS 

                        and a wonderful new  year to come!  

                        You are all special to me and I appreciate and
love each
                        and everyone of you!!!
                        But especially, my heartfelt thanks goes out to
all those who
                        have taken their  time and trouble to send me
"forwards" over the past 12 months.
                        Thank you for making me feel safe, secure,
blessed, and wealthy.
                       
                        Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about
rat crap in the
                        glue on envelopes cause I now have to go get a
wet towel every time I need
                        to seal an envelope.
                            
                        Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for
the same reason.
                            
                        Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca
Cola because it
                        can remove toilet stains.
                            
                        I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the
people who make
                        these products are atheists who refuse to put
"Under God" on their cans. 

                        
                        I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave
because it causes
                        cancer.
                            
                        I no longer check the coin return on pay phones
because I could
                        be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
                            
                        I no longer use deodorant! Since it causes
cancer, even though
                        I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
                       
                        I no longer go to shopping malls because someone
might drug me
                        with a perfume sample and rob me.
                            
                        I no longer receive packages from nor send
packages by UPS or
                        FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in
disguise.
                            
                        I no longer answer the phone because someone
will ask me to
                        dial a number for which I will get a phone bill
with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
                        Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
                            
                        I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are
actually
                        horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

                            
                        I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will
change once I
                        receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
                       
                        I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from
Neiman Marcus
                        since I now have their recipe.
                                 
                        I no longer worry about my soul because at last
count I have
                        363,214 angels looking out for me. 

                        
                        Thanks to you, I have learned that God only
answers my prayers
                        if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends
and make a wish within five
                        minutes. 

                        
                        I no longer have any savings because I gave it
to a sick girl
                        who is about to die in the hospital (for the
1,387,258th time).      

                        
                        I no longer have any money at all - but that
will change once I
                        receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are
sending me for
                        participating in their special email program.
                                 
                        Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out
for me that I
                        will now return the favor!
                            
                        If you don't send this e-mail to at least
144,000 people in the
                        next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked
case of diarrhea will
                        land on your head at 5:00 PM (CDT) this
afternoon. I know this will occur 
                        because it actually happened to a friend of my
next door
                        neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's
cousin's beautician.


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