[Loch-Ruadh] OT - Reasons To Smile Today

[Dana]

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. 

 

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it 
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

 

Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

 

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

 

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. 

 

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

 

Marriage changes passion.   Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.



Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?

 

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

 

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

 

Marriages are made in Heaven-but so are thunder and lighting.



How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

 

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

 

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn...that was fun!"

 

Bumper sticker of the year: 
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier !!"

 
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