[Namron] Changes to requirements for performances at the Norman Medieval Fair...

Robert Atwood rob at mummersguild.com
Wed Apr 1 07:50:47 PDT 2009

I regret to inform you that apparently the Fantasy Actor's Guild has  
noticed our little fair in Namron, possibly due to the increased media  
coverage in the last couple of years.  As such, they have declared  
that given the number of new-age style merchants and the ready  
availability of fairy wings in myriad colors, the Norman Medieval Fair  
has been categorized as a fantasy event, and as such is under their  

What does that mean for us?  Unfortunately (especially for those who  
have taken the acting workshops given last month) that means that  
period speech (of any period) is banned, unless each speech makes  
mention of some element of fantasy.  Should performers at the fair  
wish to greet a lady, the phrase "Good morrow to you, milady" must  
instead be changed to include a fantasy element, such as "Lo, how the  
fairies do shine upon thee this morn, milady".

Additionally, all names of performers must have a consonant preceding  
them with a gratuitous apostrophe, should the performer be portraying  
a noble.  For example, Lord Lorenzo must now be F'Lorenzo and Lady  
Antonia is now K'antonia.  Further, all garb that is considered "too  
period" will be required to be modified to include no less than 42  
square inches of sequins and/or black vinyl.  If garb is feminine, red  
vinyl may be substituted.

There are a number of other rules and regulations which are available  
at the F.A.G. website.  Fortunately, unlike S.A.G., there is no  
requirement that you be a member before performing in the medieval  
fair.  Unfortunately, however, the Fantasy Actor's Guild takes  
enforcement of its policies seriously and will have "Compliance  
Officers" present to ensure they are carried out.  These compliance  
officers are described as having sullen blue eyes and a black square- 
cut mane and are recognizable by their chiseled musculature made  
visible by their naugahyde loincloths and faux fur cloaks, complete  
with elforyn skull-shaped shoulder pieces.  Should you be performing  
when one or more (they like to travel in pairs) of these compliance  
officers approaches, it is advisable to immediately break character  
and begin speaking (without appearing to notice them) in a deep  
southern accent with lots of "Y'all"s and "OK"s thrown in to make it  
clear you are not giving a period performance.  "Y'all oughta go have  
you some of them funnel cakes an' go ride them elephants over yonder,  
OK?" will probably throw them off the scent.

The last person the Guild's compliance officers caught performing in a  
period manner was found a day later, boiled in his own figgy pudding  
with a coat-hanger and panty-hose fairy wing through his heart.

Should anyone still wish to learn how to play (in period) with the  
crowds, I will be working with people off and on through the fair as I  
have time from my other duties, and will risk life and limb to help as  
many as I can... just keep your eyes peeled for those compliance  

-Robert o' the Faire

PS- I tried to send this with a small attachment (the Faire Thee Well  
phrase guide for performing at the fair).  However, since it didn't  
get through, please email me if you would like  a copy.
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