[Northkeep] Off topic but funny

[Marc Carlson]

>From: "Montega Blackdragon" <montega_blackdragon at hotmail.com>
>Subject: New Software
>...

Dear Tech Support
    Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that 
the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of 
space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in 
the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other 
programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all 
other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys 
Night 2.5, and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system 
whenever selected. I can not seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while 
attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking 
about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 but un-install does not work on this 
program. Can you help me, please!!!
Thanks, Joe

Dear Joe:
    This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to 
primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 
with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. 
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run 
everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0, and still 
convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system 
would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is 
impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system 
once installed. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but 
end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual 
under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support."

    I suggest installing background application program C:\YES DEAR to 
alleviate software augmentation. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal 
with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest 
you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You 
must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, 
regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the 
command IAPOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of YES DEAR because 
ultimately you will have to give the IAPOLOGIZE command before the operating 
system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you 
take the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high 
maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance 
of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0.
Best of luck, Tech Support.

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