[Sca-cooks] Fw: [Aten_Cooks](long) Feast Policy Draft for Review

[david friedman]

Cecily wrote:

>This is the policy, put up for reveiw that we cooks in Atenveldt may 
>be living under. Event bids need to go in 6 months before Kingdom 
>level events. Please, those of you who are experienced with Kingdom 
>level feasts, please respond with suggestions.
>
>Cecily

I don't live in Atenveldt. If I did, I would find this extremely 
off-putting. A good deal of this reaction is not the content but the 
bureaucratic language, which suggests to me an attitude on the part 
of the kingdom officials which I don't like dealing with when I have 
to deal with the government and would not choose to deal with in my 
free time. For example:


>
>ð      Number Of Maximum Feasters: An estimate of the expected
>number of feasters must be stated in the bid OR the maximum number
>of feasters who the feastocrat is willing to feed must be stated. 
>This number shall be used as the Number Of Maximum Feasters
>explained in the article, i.e., "A feast for [INSERT NUMBER] will be
>offered..."

Note the use of the passive voice everywhere it can be squeezed in, 
mistakes in grammar (who for whom, for example),  "Maximum Feasters" 
(just how big is a maximum feaster?)... And Atenveldt cooks may not 
object to being caled "feastocrat", but I would.

How about replacing that with something like:

Maximum Number of Feasters: Your bid must include either an estimate 
of how many people you expect or the largest number you are willing 
to feed. This number will go into the event article...

Do other people here find this easier to read or is it just me?

Elizabeth/Betty Cook
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