[Sca-cooks] Suicide

[Michael Gunter]

Okay, I do appreciate everyone's concern. I did make a serious suicide
attempt in February. I came home from Estrella and took several bottles
of sleeping pills with alcohol. Just before I passed out I managed to call
911 and they traced the call. I've been told I died on the way to the
hospital and they revived me in the ambulance. I spent a week in the
ICU because the doctors worried that I would go into organ failure.

It's nothing I'm particularly proud of and, if I had the opportunity, would
not have done. Life hasn't gotten particularly better because of the 
attempt.
I'm not proud of it but I also won't hide from it. It was a part of my life 
and
it happened. I mainly did it because of ongoing problems in a relationship 
gone
very, very bad and dysfunctional but also because life in general pretty 
well
sucked. Things were actually getting a little better but when you are in 
pain
you don't notice the flower outside the door.

I'm doing better now. Things aren't great but the main source of my pain is
no longer around. My friends came and took me back to Texas. The woman
in question is no longer even communicating with me. Once we had a talk
and she decided that, even though she loves me, life without me is better
than trying to build a life together I'm able to accept it and move on.

I do appreciate all the worry and support you have shown on list and in 
private,
and my offhand comment was certainly not meant to be the bombshell it 
evidently
was. It's just an aspect of my life that I now am suffering the consequences 
for.
At least I'm a good person to talk to about death and suicide now.  :-)

Things are hard right now. For many of us, but we can all lean on our 
friends when
the going is difficult. I'm having to do that a lot lately and it's hell on 
my pride. But
I'm getting there. I'm now fighting again and looking for work. I'm getting 
counselling
and planning on attending school. In many ways I have been reborn and am 
looking at
a new life. Maybe I'll decide that I hate computers and can be just as poor 
but happy
doing something I want. Death gives you an interesting view of life.

Again, Thank you for your concern.
I'm fine.

Yours,

Big Dum Gunthar

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