[Sca-cooks] Suicide

[Elaine Koogler]

Michael Gunter wrote:

> Okay, I do appreciate everyone's concern. I did make a serious suicide
> attempt in February. I came home from Estrella and took several bottles
> of sleeping pills with alcohol. Just before I passed out I managed to 
> call
> 911 and they traced the call. I've been told I died on the way to the
> hospital and they revived me in the ambulance. I spent a week in the
> ICU because the doctors worried that I would go into organ failure.
>
> It's nothing I'm particularly proud of and, if I had the opportunity, 
> would
> not have done. Life hasn't gotten particularly better because of the 
> attempt.
> I'm not proud of it but I also won't hide from it. It was a part of my 
> life and
> it happened. I mainly did it because of ongoing problems in a 
> relationship gone
> very, very bad and dysfunctional but also because life in general 
> pretty well
> sucked. Things were actually getting a little better but when you are 
> in pain
> you don't notice the flower outside the door.
>
> I'm doing better now. Things aren't great but the main source of my 
> pain is
> no longer around. My friends came and took me back to Texas. The woman
> in question is no longer even communicating with me. Once we had a talk
> and she decided that, even though she loves me, life without me is better
> than trying to build a life together I'm able to accept it and move on.
>
> I do appreciate all the worry and support you have shown on list and 
> in private,
> and my offhand comment was certainly not meant to be the bombshell it 
> evidently
> was. It's just an aspect of my life that I now am suffering the 
> consequences for.
> At least I'm a good person to talk to about death and suicide now.  :-)
>
> Things are hard right now. For many of us, but we can all lean on our 
> friends when
> the going is difficult. I'm having to do that a lot lately and it's 
> hell on my pride. But
> I'm getting there. I'm now fighting again and looking for work. I'm 
> getting counselling
> and planning on attending school. In many ways I have been reborn and 
> am looking at
> a new life. Maybe I'll decide that I hate computers and can be just as 
> poor but happy
> doing something I want. Death gives you an interesting view of life.
>
> Again, Thank you for your concern.
> I'm fine.
>
> Yours,
>
> Big Dum Gunthar

I'm so very glad to hear that things are getting better for you.  I've 
only met you once, but carry that memory fondly with me.  the world 
would definitely be a much poorer place without you!

Yes, having a close brush with death can change your outlook...it 
happened to me, though not nearly as closely.  I've beaten cancer three 
times, and that was close enough for me.  But it did have a very 
positive effect on how I regard life and how happy I am to be here.  In 
fact, unlike most women, I'm actually proud to be approaching my 63rd 
birthday!!  I think what we have to remember, even though it's tough 
sometimes, that each bad experience can teach us something and actually 
make life a little better for that lesson.  OK...enough of the 
philosophizing!

Kiri