[Sca-cooks] Drakey's Tool Kit

[Elaine Koogler]

I hadn't seen this before...it's hilarious.  I could probably do a 
similar thing with equipment used in the kitchen and that used for 
sewing.  I did actually have a friend who, when working on a Tudor gown 
for me long years ago, managed to sew his thumb in to a 
seam...seriously, he actually ran the needle through the thickest part 
of his thumb, with the nail on top!  It was not pretty!

Kiri

PS:  Drakey, if you don't mind...I'd like to share this with the folks 
in my Barony.  I read part of it to my husband, who's out of town this 
week, and it made his day!

drakey at webone.com.au wrote:

>>Y'all DON'T want to know what he admitted to me tonight that he
>>    
>>
>super-glued
>  
>
>>to which...
>>    
>>
>
>Phlip... There's a very special place in Hell for you...
>
>How has everyone been? What's the gossip?  Is Olwen still making marzcipan
>marvels?  Lainie still being her wonderful self?  Adamantius still as
>enigmatic as ever... I missed you all...
>
>Not much here to report. Still slowly cooking Mongol stuff...
>
>Drakey... back on the the list with a passion/vengance (I never got off but
>I have about 10,000 backlog messages to read)
>
>  
>
>>>HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
>>>used as a kind of radar device to locate expensive parts not far from
>>>      
>>>
>the
>  
>
>>>object we are trying to hit.
>>>MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
>>>      
>>>
>cardboard
>  
>
>>>cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes
>>>containing seats and motorcycle jackets.
>>>ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in
>>>      
>>>
>their
>  
>
>>>holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling
>>>mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the
>>>rear wheel.
>>>PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
>>>HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the pessimism
>>>principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
>>>motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
>>>dismal your future becomes.
>>>VICE- GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available,
>>>they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of
>>>your hand.
>>>OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
>>>objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease
>>>      
>>>
>inside
>  
>
>>>a brake drum you're trying to get the bearing grease out of.
>>>WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
>>>motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2
>>>socket you've been searching for, the last 15 minutes.
>>>DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
>>>metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
>>>flings your coffee across the room, splattering it against that freshly
>>>painted part you were drying.
>>>WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere
>>>      
>>>
>under
>  
>
>>>the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls
>>>and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say,
>>>"Ouch...."
>>>HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after
>>>you have installed your new front disk brake set-up, trapping the
>>>jack handle firmly under the front fender.
>>>EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a motorcycle upward
>>>      
>>>
>off
>  
>
>>>a hydraulic jack.
>>>TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
>>>PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another
>>>hydraulic floor jack.
>>>SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for
>>>spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.
>>>E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and
>>>is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
>>>TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease build up
>>>TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile
>>>strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to
>>>disconnect.
>>>CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool
>>>      
>>>
>that
>  
>
>>>inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end
>>>without the handle.
>>>BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulphuric acid
>>>from a car battery to the inside of your tool box after determining that
>>>your battery is dead as a door nail, just as you thought.
>>>METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
>>>TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop
>>>light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which
>>>      
>>>
>is
>  
>
>>>not otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Health benefits aside,
>>>its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same
>>>      
>>>
>rate
>  
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>>>that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few
>>>      
>>>
>hours
>  
>
>>>of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is
>>>somewhat misleading.
>>>PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
>>>paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used,
>>>      
>>>
>as
>  
>
>>>the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads and can double as
>>>      
>>>
>oil
>  
>
>>>filter removal wrench by stabbing through stubborn oil filters.
>>>AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning
>>>power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that
>>>travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty
>>>bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone in Springfield, and rounds
>>>them off.
>>>PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
>>>      
>>>
>bracket
>  
>
>>>you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
>>>HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.
>>>      
>>>
>>Saint Phlip,
>>CoDoLDS
>>
>>There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well
>>please.
>>And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the
>>consequences. -- P. J. O'Rourke
>>
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>>
>>    
>>
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>
>  
>

-- 
Learning is a lifetime journey...growing older merely adds experience to knowledge 
and wisdom to curiosity.
					-- C.E. Lawrence