[Sca-cooks] Drakey's Tool Kit

[Carper, Rachel]

I beg your pardon Mistress Kiri, but the thumb or the dress? 


I hadn't seen this before...it's hilarious.  I could probably do a 
similar thing with equipment used in the kitchen and that used for 
sewing.  I did actually have a friend who, when working on a Tudor gown 
for me long years ago, managed to sew his thumb in to a 
seam...seriously, he actually ran the needle through the thickest part 
of his thumb, with the nail on top!  It was not pretty!

Kiri

PS:  Drakey, if you don't mind...I'd like to share this with the folks 
in my Barony.  I read part of it to my husband, who's out of town this 
week, and it made his day!

drakey at webone.com.au wrote:

>>Y'all DON'T want to know what he admitted to me tonight that he
>>    
>>
>super-glued
>  
>
>>to which...
>>    
>>
>
>Phlip... There's a very special place in Hell for you...
>
>How has everyone been? What's the gossip?  Is Olwen still making 
>marzcipan marvels?  Lainie still being her wonderful self?  Adamantius 
>still as enigmatic as ever... I missed you all...
>
>Not much here to report. Still slowly cooking Mongol stuff...
>
>Drakey... back on the the list with a passion/vengance (I never got off

>but I have about 10,000 backlog messages to read)
>
>  
>
>>>HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays 
>>>is used as a kind of radar device to locate expensive parts not far 
>>>from
>>>      
>>>
>the
>  
>
>>>object we are trying to hit.
>>>MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
>>>      
>>>
>cardboard
>  
>
>>>cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on 
>>>boxes containing seats and motorcycle jackets. ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: 
>>>Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in
>>>      
>>>
>their
>  
>
>>>holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling 
>>>mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the 
>>>rear wheel.
>>>PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
>>>HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the pessimism 
>>>principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable 
>>>motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more 
>>>dismal your future becomes.
>>>VICE- GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is 
>>>available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to 
>>>the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for 
>>>lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy

>>>for igniting the grease
>>>      
>>>
>inside
>  
>
>>>a brake drum you're trying to get the bearing grease out of. 
>>>WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and 
>>>motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 
>>>1/2 socket you've been searching for, the last 15 minutes. DRILL 
>>>PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat 
>>>metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest 
>>>and flings your coffee across the room, splattering it against that 
>>>freshly painted part you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old

>>>bolts and then throws them somewhere
>>>      
>>>
>under
>  
>
>>>the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint 
>>>whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you

>>>to say, "Ouch...." HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a 
>>>motorcycle to the ground after you have installed your new front disk

>>>brake set-up, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender.
>>>EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a motorcycle
upward
>>>      
>>>
>off
>  
>
>>>a hydraulic jack.
>>>TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
>>>PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another 
>>>hydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as

>>>a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting 
>>>dog-doo off your boot. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that 
>>>snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill 
>>>bit. TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease 
>>>build up TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the

>>>tensile strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have 
>>>forgotten to disconnect.
>>>CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool
>>>      
>>>
>that
>  
>
>>>inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end 
>>>without the handle. BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for 
>>>transferring sulphuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your 
>>>tool box after determining that your battery is dead as a door nail, 
>>>just as you thought. METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
>>>TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a
drop
>>>light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin,"
which
>>>      
>>>
>is
>  
>
>>>not otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Health benefits 
>>>aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about 
>>>the same
>>>      
>>>
>rate
>  
>
>>>that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few
>>>      
>>>
>hours
>  
>
>>>of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is 
>>>somewhat misleading. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the 
>>>lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your 
>>>shirt; can also be used,
>>>      
>>>
>as
>  
>
>>>the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads and can double as
>>>      
>>>
>oil
>  
>
>>>filter removal wrench by stabbing through stubborn oil filters. AIR 
>>>COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning 
>>>power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that

>>>travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty

>>>bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone in Springfield, and 
>>>rounds them off. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal 
>>>surrounding that clip or
>>>      
>>>
>bracket
>  
>
>>>you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. HOSE CUTTER:

>>>A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.
>>>      
>>>
>>Saint Phlip,
>>CoDoLDS
>>
>>There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well 
>>please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take 
>>the consequences. -- P. J. O'Rourke
>>
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>>
>>    
>>
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>
>  
>

-- 
Learning is a lifetime journey...growing older merely adds experience to
knowledge 
and wisdom to curiosity.
					-- C.E. Lawrence

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