SR - Netiquette

[Dennis and Dory Grace]

Salut Cozyns,

Lyonel aisai.

This sheet is a copy of an item posted on the Internet. I downloaded it and
used to pass it on to my English Rhetoric and Composition classes at UT.
Patrick Crispen made the letter, and the Netiquette itself is by his
father. I've amended it very little.  I'm posting it here because we have
several recent additions to the Southern list who are unaware of the lay of
the land in this Brave New e-World of ours.

NETIQUETTE

by the Rev. Bob Crispen

(Patrick Crispen's daddy)

"When thou enter a city abide by its customs." -- The Talmud

The Internet is made up of more than computers and commands. 
All of the computers and commands would be useless if it weren't for
the people who used the computers and commands. The commands are neat,
but it is the *people* who make the Internet what it is.
The problem is that every grouping of people develops its own culture
and common rules that govern the behavior of the people.
Today's lesson is going to give you an insider's look at how to
avoid some of the mistakes that *everyone* makes when they start out
on the Internet. If you can take what is said in this lesson to heart,
you are going to find that your travels on the Information Superhighway
are going to be a whole lot smoother.

The following "Netiquette" guide (that's the common way to describe
the etiquette of the Internet) was written by my father, the Rev. Bob
"Bob" Crispen. I think you'll soon see where my sense of humor comes
from :)

In fact, it was because of my dad that I first got onto the Internet
(I got an e-mail account so that I could e-mail him and ask him for
money).

Evangelism:

Everyone is tempted from time to time to evangelize, to stride boldly
into the enemy's camp and throw down the gauntlet. We will never see
the end of people who pop up on comp.sys.intel praising Macs and
Amigas; who send mail to the SKEPTIC list that flying saucers really,
truly do exist; who enlighten the Buddhist newsgroups that they're all
bound for hell, and on and on.

In the entire history of the net, no one has managed to do this without
looking like a complete idiot. If you believe you are the one person
who will succeed where millions have failed, then you're ready to learn
about ...

Flames:

There is nothing you can say that won't offend *somebody.*  Example:

>It's a bright, sunny day today.

>You filthy *@!?$, what have you got against Seattle?

Flames (violent verbal expressions of disapproval), misunderstandings,
overreactions, and hurt feelings are par for the course. Four lessons
from experience:

(1) Hedge your bets. Rather than saying, "Metal rules! Death to all
that oppose!!" try saying "In my humble opinion (often abbreviated
IMHO) metal bands perfectly express my feelings, choices, and
lifestyle. Your mileage may vary" (another net cliche', less
frequently abbreviated YMMV). By the way, BTW is another frequent net
abbreviation, for what it's worth (FWIW).

(2) Apologize. When misunderstanding is the culprit, and especially if
you respect the person who misunderstood, take the blame on yourself
for being unclear, apologize, say what you meant more clearly (if
appropriate) and put it behind you. As in real life (remember that?)
people who are quick to anger are often equally quick to forgive.

(3) Avoid flame bait (conduct which gravely offends the norms, mores
and folkways of a particular group). "Now wait a minute!" you say.
"Do you mean that something that's accepted behavior on one list or
newsgroup will draw dozens of stinging, ridiculing comments in
another?" I sure do. 

What can you do? Lurk a while before you post.
Read what's said like an anthropologist, trying to discover what the
big no-nos are. The beginning of a school term is a wonderful time to
do this, as you will observe the clueless newbies who weren't smart
enough to read this paragraph being torn to shreds. There are
some things you should *never* do, and we'll list them in a minute, but
let's get to the last bit of advice.

(4) Bow down to the group's gods. In every Usenet newsgroup and
listserv mailing list there are old, gray heads who have earned the
respect of everyone in the group. For example, amongst the subscribers
to the list discussing the late American bandleader Stan Kenton are the
producer of a Kenton box set and the authors of definitive Kenton
biographies and discographies. You are entirely ignorant compared to
those people. Never pretend you're anything else. They would dearly
love to help you -- to answer a question, help you find a rare record
-- but you'll always come out second best in a head-butting contest
with them.

Still other group members have earned their status through long
service. Friendships have developed over many years, and marriage is
not unknown. By commenting abusively to or about one of these gods,
you'll earn not only her enmity, but the enmity of all of her friends
-- which may be everyone in the group but you!

A word to people living in the United States: the net is
international. If you tell a Belgian she's being un-American, *she isn't
offended.*
Of *course* she's un-American; you're un-Belgian. She doesn't care about being
lectured on the First Amendment and American values. She doesn't *have* a
First 
Amendment, and she thinks Belgian values are *better.* We Americans have made
fools of ourselves by forgetting this everywhere else. Let's try to behave
a little better on the net.

Finally, many groups have had the sense to write down some of their
norms and folkways in a frequently asked questions (FAQ) list along
with (what else?) the answers to frequently asked questions. Many
Usenet FAQs are posted monthly or so on the news.answers. Listowners
of LISTSERVs are often quite willing to mail you the FAQ for the list.
In fact, they may have already told you where it is in the letter you
get welcoming you to the list.

With all we've said above, and with all the help newsgroup moderators
and listowners are providing to newcomers, it almost seems like you'd
have to work at it to go charging in with your mouth open and your eyes
and ears shut, thereby aggravating and alienating some otherwise
perfectly nice people. The good Lord gave us two eyes and two ears and
one mouth to remind us of that very thing. But he gave us ten fingers,
and here we are.
-----

lo vostre por vos servir
Sir Lyonel Oliver Grace

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