[Tempio] Fwd: [ALL THINGS ANSTEORRA] it's not ansteorran but it's scadian!

Christine Grosvenor rs_teke at yahoo.com
Thu Sep 4 17:01:50 PDT 2003

I got a kick out of this, and thought i'd pass it on. 

MOSCOW--Official reports from the Kremlin Tuesday
confirmed that 
the Society for Creative Anachronism, a group of
hobbyists, seized control of Russia in a bloodless
coup over the weekend. 
      "Weakened by food shortages, political
instability and widespread 
economic chaos, our military's combined forces proved
no match for the 
enemy's rattan-and-duct-tape broadswords and homemade
weaponry," said 
deposed Russian president Boris Yeltsin during a
national radio address 
in which he relinquished rulership to the
"Principality Of The Mists," 
one of several dozen SCA "kingdoms." 
      "I can't tell you how humiliating this is," he
      The SCA, founded in 1966 by a group of Berkeley
and fantasy fans, is a non-profit organization
dedicated to fun and 
learning through such medieval activities as
metalwork, calligraphy, 
lute-playing and brewing. Boasting more than 20,000
dues-paying members in 14 
countries, the club is also known for holding
elaborately staged mock 
battles, followed by feasting and merrymaking amid the
revelry of 
troubadours and jesters.
      The seizure of over 70% of Russia's land mass
marks the first 
time the SCA has ventured into the arena of
international politics. 
      "I can't believe how easy it was to claim Kiev
for the Kingdom Of 
Ealdormere," said Royal Peer Gawain Falconsfyre, a
tech-support assistant from a suburb of Toronto. "It
was a piece of cake. 
Haven't any of these Russians ever heard of a
moving-shield-wall offense?" 
      Falconsfire and an SCA faction armed only with
rubber maces 
successfully captured two Russian tank divisions
outside Moscow Saturday 
when fuel shortages immobilized the armored vehicles. 
      Due to the disarray of communications within
Russia, information 
regarding the actual invasion is sketchy. It was
confirmed, however, 
that St. Petersburg was taken without a shot being
fired late Saturday 
morning, after thousands of Russian soldiers deserted
their posts, 
joining approximately 70 SCA knights advancing on the
city in hopes of being 
issued new boots and coats. 
      The SCA also overtook vast areas at the borders
of former Russian 
republics Ukraine and Belarus simply by trading
several sacks of 
potatoes for enemy guns. 
Above: Former president Boris Yeltsin transferring
control of Russia to 
Grand Seneschal Ulf Silverhawk.  
      "Forsooth, mine legions of brave warmakers hath
conquered the 
Lands West O' the Urals! Let there be great rejoicing
in our noble 
victory!" exclaimed Cedric, Bard of the House of
Æthelmearc, 36, hoisting a 
flagon of ale. "What, ho! Bring on the serving
      Cedric, known as Harold Freed when among non-SCA
members, is 
credited with capturing two military air bases and a
string of missile 
installations throughout the north Caucasus region
along the Georgian 
border--an area rendered vulnerable by ethnic
infighting, corruption and 
military anarchy. 
      SCA leaders, who have called the weekend's
campaign "a really 
good time," were said to be especially pleased with
the invasion's early 
wrap-up, as it left the remainder of the weekend free
for social 
recreation in the form of mead-drinking, archery
contests, and the singing of 
bawdy madrigals. 
      Even captured Russian soldiers were invited to
join in the fun 
and campfire dancing. Such "good sportsmanship" has
some analysts arguing 
that the SCA's power base in Russia may even benefit
the troubled land 
in the long run. 
      "Though civilian rioting and widespread
starvation still rock the 
major population centers, Russia is actually more
stable right now than 
it has been for the last 18 months," Harvard political
professor F. Horace Gunderson said. "Candle-dipping
seminars are addressing the 
problems posed by energy shortages, and the booths
selling roasted 
turkey legs represent, in many regions, the first
source of food in weeks." 
      "This could be the best thing to happen to
Russia in years," 
agreed State Department foreign-affairs analyst Howard
Plum. "The sale of 
jewelry, driftwood art and other medieval handcrafting
at concession 
tables throughout Russia has boosted local economies,
and SCA presence has 
even created new jobs in the custodial and
campground-rental fields." 
      The U.N. security council is drafting a proposal
urging SCA 
forces to remain in Russia, at least until a more
viable interim government 
can be structured. 
      "Under the current political system, the Russian
people face 
Mafia domination of the black market and a
deteriorating national 
infrastructure," U.N. Ambassador Thomas R. Pickering
said. "With an elaborately 
networked consortium of amateur gamers in charge,
however, there will 
at least be some semblance of order." 
      Members of SCA nobility, however, say the group
has no interest 
in running Russia for any great length of time,
especially with the 
members' need to prepare for their next major event,
this summer's Pennsic 
War between the East and Middle Kingdoms, to be held
in Pennsylvania. 
Insiders expect the occupying forces to return power
to the Russian 
government "on the honor system" and return to their
day jobs by the end of 
the week. 
      "We're doing this for fun, not the vulgar
acquisition of personal 
political power," said insurance actuary and Arizona
native Willownook 
Pendragon, of the Kingdom of Atenveldt. "We're here to
celebrate our 
mutual interest in the ways and customs of pre-1600
feudal Europe, and to 
bedeck ourselves in the heraldic regalia of our
fictional medieval 
personas, not to get mixed up in politics." 
      Pendragon added that "anyone who wants to have a
fun time and 
make new friends" should check out the SCA home page
or contact the 
group's California headquarters directly at its
toll-free number for more 
information on an SCA chapter in their area. 
      "We're really just friendly folks who welcome
Pendragon said. "Plus, now is a great time to get
involved, because there's 
lots of super events coming up this summer, and you'll
want time to 
prepare the correct blazon for your heraldry."

                with love gael o'finnin the strange

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